Baby with an ex? Can it work?

[xorachelxo]

Hi everyone, I’ve joined mumsnet especially for the issue I’m looking to get advice for… would really appreciate your honest opinions!

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 7. At the start of the year, he said he wanted to split and has moved into his own flat. He is adamant he is happier than he has ever been, and has no intention of returning. He has also started seeing someone from work (!!!!) so there really isn’t any going back for us relationship wise.

We have a 4 year old DD. Before we split, we spoke about trying for another baby in the new year. And then all this happened. I’m desperate for my DD to have a sibling - I don’t want her to be an only child.

I’m 40 very soon, and feel like time has completely run out for me to meet someone and have another baby. That would all take years, which I don’t have.

My question is - and I really would love to hear from anyone who has been through this exact scenario - would you approach your ex to have another baby? I would do IUI / IVF, and seek advice about all the legal aspects of it e.g. child support, access etc. Has it worked for anyone? Or not?

I’ve read a few similar threads about this, and the majority of responses have been it’s a bad idea… but I honestly don’t feel like it is? My DD would have a full sibling, and I can’t fault my ex as a father.

Has anyone had a baby with an ex? Really want to hear good and bad stories to balance things!

Thanks so much xx

Have you actually asked your ex about this?

I don’t think it’s MN you need to ask about this; it’s your ex. If he’s in a relationship, it seems verrrry unlikely he would go for this.

I really can't see why he'd want to agree to giving you a child just because you want one and then him have to pay for it? Your married so legally he's automatically assumed to be the father

Have you thought about the child who was deliberately conceived when their parents were not together meaning they wouldn't grow up with a family unit?

You asked for honest opinions so here goes.

This is a completely terrible idea. Your hormones are screaming at you. Ignore them and think about your daughter. The hormones will go away eventually, your dd is here and needs her mum. In a few days years' time you'll be so glad that this idea never went further than an internet forum and you'll have a great relationship with your daughter.

The only way to remotely consider this would be if your ex was willing to be a father in this scenario and not a sperm donor. A divide between the two children would be horrible for the children.

You seem to forget he’s seeing someone else. I hardly think she’ll be impressed with him announcing he’s going to have a baby with you and commit even more finances to you for next 18 years!
its a terrible idea for many many reasons. Move on, allow him to move in and if you’re that desperate for another baby seek out a sworn donor through proper channels !

He has a new partner so no don't ask him it's so inappropriate. There is nothing wrong with being an only child or having half/step/foster/adopted siblings

1. Talk to him. Not here.

1. It's a really really bad idea if you're going to be asking him to do that, commit to CMS and all the responsibilities of being a parent and not be together

1. Be his partner and imagine him asking you this with a straight face.

Why would your ex do that? You've split, he says he is happy. Why would he create a further complicated relationship with you?

And how would his new partner feel? Suppose they want a child together. He cannot have unlimited resources. And even if he's wealthy, she would feel very undermined.

It's inappropriate in every way. Ask him but expect him to say no.