Want to save marriage but divorce is next week

[Duffel1]

Hi,
I am having trouble accepting that my marriage is over although it has been a year since my wife told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I am wondering if there should be any hope left.
We are both in our early 40s and the background is that the past few years have been extremely tough, with 4 kids during COVID lockdown and living in a place that I did not want to live. I personally lost all confidence, began having anxiety attacks and I believe became emotionally abusive although I did not see it and if I had, I would have stopped immediately as I certainly did not want to hurt my wife who I love very much.
The pressure for both of us during these few years was incredible including the death of parents and relatives, illness, uncertainty with employment, and we had no relief, our tempers frayed and we pulled away from each other instead of working together. This is not at all how our relationship worked before or how we treated each other before.
I think she has put all of her unhappiness on my shoulders, and although I am responsible for a lot, I think most of this has nothing to do with me.
Now I cannot say to her that the problems were temporary without being controlling, I cannot point out that our relationship was great without being accused of gaslighting, I just don't know where to go from here but my gut tells me that this is something that we could have overcome together.
At this point she looks at me with hatred, distrust, disgust. I don't understand how it got to this point.
Is there any point in me trying to salvage our relationship after the divorce is finalised?

Nothing you've said suggests your wife wants to salvage the relationship.

You might want to save it; but you'd both need to want to. From what you've said, she doesn't, so your attempts to do so are coming across as you refusing to acknowledge that she has a choice too, and she doesn't want this.

It might be worth you finding someone you can talk to about all of this; to help you process it and find a way forward by yourself.

I think this ship has sailed and there is no way back. Focus on looking forward and not on trying to salvage something that is ruined beyond all hope of repair.

It sounds to me like you aren't listening to her... Even at this point. And without that, and both of you wanting to fix things, it is game over.

You said you don't understand how it came to this, but in the kindest possible way, I can see how it came to this just from what you've written.

I am sorry you feel this way , but for her to have gone this far down the road, all your doing is making her dislike you more and it will mean you lose your childrens respect.
Instead accept it, and move on to different hobbies and places till you find and start to love yourself again.

She doesn't want to save it. She doesn't have to save it. Let her go - you admit yourself that you became emotionally abusive. And no matter what you say, that is your fault. Lots of people go through incredibly tough times without taking it out on their loved ones, so take responsibility.

It is now time for you to move on, address your wellbeing and self esteem in counselling, become someone you like and find new relationships that will make everyone involved happy.