Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Husband walked out with absolutely no warning

12 replies

1000yellowdaisies · 28/06/2022 09:21

Husband walked out on me and the kids several months ago. This was so shocking and unexpected that at first i thought he was ill or having some kind if breakdown. Of course it wasn't that complicated, hes met someone else.
Leave your wife that's one thing but what's unforgivable is that he's left two children without saying a word or trying to explain it to them. They've gone from living with dad and seeing him all day to hardly seeing him at all and they are completely bewildered. A week after he left he asked to come back and get his stuff. I agreed but said it must be when the kids were at school and nursery during the day as i didn't want them to see him physically taking his belonging out the house in boxes. Of course he didn't do it then, he let himself in while we were sitting having our tea and cruelly tried to do it all in front of them. I had to tell him to leave in no uncertain terms.

We agreed he would see them on a Saturday but Ive had a series of no shows, so much so that i don't even tell the kids he's coming anymore... if he comes it'll be a nice surprise for them but more often than not he lets them down.

He's left me in the lurch paying for the house, bills, nursery fees etc. I have a decent job but i work 3 days a week. I have applied for what ever single person benefits i am entitled too, council tax discount etc. I may have to go full time also. But i want to make an application to the child maintenance agency for ex to contribute but he won't give me his new address. How do i apply when i don't know where he is? Also he does self employed/contract work so he doesn't have an employer who i could tell csa about? Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
ItisallPooh · 28/06/2022 09:24

I have no helpful advice as I'm clueless but I just wanted to say you are doing really well. He sounds awful.

Weenurse · 28/06/2022 09:35

Sounds like he is dodging paying maintenance.
Plan and budget without any contribution from him as I doubt you will see any.

PeopleRStrange · 28/06/2022 09:38

Can you use your own address for him? If he still owns half, then it's still his address.

trevthecat · 28/06/2022 09:48

I didn't know my exs address but knew his employer, they got to him that way. Sorry you and your kids are going through this

Cherry55 · 28/06/2022 09:56

What an absolute bastard. Did he leave anything in the house with any details - National insurance number etc? Mine has just got a salary sacrifice car to lower his earnings for child maintenance - absolute class act.

So sorry you are going through this, sounds like you are battling though and shielding the children from the worst. Utterly infuriating these chumps can skip off into the distance without a care, purely for a new shag.

1000yellowdaisies · 28/06/2022 10:53

Thank you. I guess I could apply and use this address as its still technically his home. I have passed on post that's come for him before....
I do have his NI number. All the family and household documentation, our marriage certificates and family passports including his, are still filled away in the house. So I could potentially see if the cma can do anything via his NI. Im sure they must have seen this sort of thing before....
I did ask for his address and he went mad, kept saying 'why you wanna know'.... like he thought i would show up acting deranged and cause a scene and embarrass him with his new gf.
That is not my style.

As pp said, I'm going to plan to manage without his money as I know he will do his damn best to avoid paying a penny...

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 28/06/2022 11:28

I’m sorry to say but if he’s self employed and doesn’t willingly pay maintenance it will most likely be very difficult to get and via cms!

see a solicitor. Apply for maintenance pending suit ( sort of like interim spousal maintenance or agreeemebt that he must continue to pay mortgage etc) while financials and divorce being sorted

you’re right. He’s a shit. Leaving a marriage does not make you a bad person. Leaving your kids like this makes you a twat if the highest order !

AutumnColours9 · 28/06/2022 21:16

My ex did the same thing and barely bothers with his kids. OW dumped him within weeks and he is now on 4th woman but is a totally new personality. Mid life crisis to a tee. I went through CMS but they were pretty rubbish and he kept telling them he needed a grace period and they let him. Wtf!

After a while you will be glad to be rid and feel much better without him

butterflied · 28/06/2022 21:19

What an absolute douche canoe. The fucker should be ashamed of himself doing that in front of his children. That's so cold.

limitededitionbarbie · 28/06/2022 21:25

If you have his Nat insurance number they should be able to track where he is living. Hopefully.

I'm another one who is a victim of the CMS not actually bothering.

If they can't reach him they should then contact his employer to again access to where they take payment from the employer direct. Ask them.

If he's self employed ask them to carry out a variation based on his earnings. They won't unless you specifically ask.

Good luck.

BrettAndersonscheekbones · 28/06/2022 21:33

I've just managed to track down my ex by using a tracing agency. I supplied details including ni number, car reg. Cost £30 and took 24 hours.

beachcitygirl · 28/06/2022 21:45

Don't give your address!!!! Give his work address if you don't know & can't find out where he is staying

New posts on this thread. Refresh page