Child arrangements

[Geevis]

My ex and I split over a year ago. We were civil but things have deteriorated since he found out I have a new partner.
He is now asking for 50/50 custody. He was contacting me way too much and the messages were getting quite abusive therefore we have agreed to go mediation.
The current arrangement is 3 days him 4 days me. He suggested week on week off but I think given that my youngest is only 6 this will be too much for him. I want to keep the current arrangement as it works for the children and they are happy. He works away a lot so wouldnt realistically be able to manage any more time than he has as often asks me to cover his days.
I want to go to mediation being open to flexibility because he says hes not happy never having the kids for a full weekend and never having a weekend to himself (we currently split the weekend in half) but I dont know how we could do this and still keep the kids in a regular routine.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How could this work?

I think the best thing for everybody would be to get a court order out in place so you all know what is happening and when especially the children. It's not about what he wants it's about what is best for the children

I think a variation on days would work better.. is there a reason why weekends are split. You can do a 2 week rotation...

I have a two week rotation. I have every sun/Mon/Tue night, he has wed/Thur night then we alternate fri/sat. Means both get weekends off and works well

We split weekends (DC at his Thur - Sat) but once a month they stayed a day longer at his so he got a whole weekend, the following month one weekend they'd come home a day early so I got a whole weekend.

But we have up after about 18 mths because no one could keep track of the long weekends and the DC didn't cope with the one night with him, fair enough.

This sounds perfect in your situation OP

I didn't want to give all my weekends up with the little one and tbf having weekends off is nice too! I totally stole this idea off of my boss and her situation and just makes sense to me

There are currently £500 vouchers available towards mediation for such situations as yours. This can help you reach an agreement. Given your situation as described, it is unlikely a court would make a child arrangements order as they have a no order principal, due to the inflexibility of them. There are many plans that work for cases such as yours and your mediator can talk you through them with you.

See here for details on the voucher scheme. www.mediateuk.co.uk/mediate-uk-welcomes-extension-of-500-voucher-scheme/

Best of luck with everything, Amber

How is he planning on this working if he is not able to take the child due to him working away? He can't just demand 50/50 "unless I'm working" I'm assuming 50/50 means no child support paid? If that's the case your at a financial disadvantage because you will be looking after them more than him and he will be keeping his money in his pocket

He needs to work it around his child and what's best for the child

Thank you for the replies, that's really helpful.
Yes my thought is it's so he doesnt need to pay any maintenance. He wants 50/50 with no maintenance but with flexibility for me to have them when hes away so I would be left as we are now but worse off. I've already agreed to a clean break which only benefits him because I didnt want the hassle and stress of arguing over money and now we are doing the same thing over the children.
I like the idea of the two week rotation but i think he will say no to two days midweek because of his job.
Will the mediator suggest options for how this could work or is that up to us?

Up to you to make reasonable suggestions I would assume 🤔 as they are there to mediate not dictate

Has a judge signed off on the clean break agreement? They won't always if it only benefits one party

The mediator can point out the parts you agree on or don't agree on, lead you to certain conclusions I think?

No not yet but I've agreed to it anyway. We split the proceeds from selling the house and I'm happy with that. It's just not worth it to pursue for anything else and I'm working now so dont need anything else anyway.

Would the judge not agree if I'm happy with it?

I'm just struggling with if it's fair for me to say I want the children more? I dont own them. I want them more and I think they're happy being with me more but then they would probably be happy with him too. It's just that I have raised them and been a stay at home mum all their lives so it's awful us being apart as it is.

If he wants 50-50 he needs to make arrangements for childcare on his days & pay for it.

You're not there to facilitate his working patterns.

OP - did you work this out? I'm trying to think of options that may work for us. Dad wants everything to work around him, which clashes with daughters busy schedule. Trying to come up with ideas for when mediator asks about compromise.