School trip payment

windywoo78 · 2022-06-25T08:25:44+00:00

DD has a school trip next year which is going to cost £350. Her DF pays the monthly CMS amount and not a penny more towards extras and I have rarely asked as I know the answer will be no. Should I ask for him to pay half towards this trip?

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 25/06/2022 09:27

You can always ask but not expect.

KangarooKenny · 25/06/2022 09:27

I assume the answer will be no again, but you can ask.

Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 09:31

Sorry I should have worded it better. If I ask I know he'll say no. What I meant was - do you think he's right to say no? Should his contribution be out of the normal CMS payment or should he be paying towards bigger things like this?

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BackToTheTop · 25/06/2022 09:32

No I don't think it's right for him to say no, but if he's anything like my ex he will. Legally he doesn't have to, morally he should

Singleandproud · 25/06/2022 09:32

DD is really excited about a school trip to XYZ her school are running next year. It costs much more than the other trips that I have previously paid for and due to the increase in cost of living I can not afford to fund the entire trip. Would you like to contribute 50%, £X so that DD does not have to miss out.

Put the emphasis on DD missing out if he doesn't pay whether its true or not.

timeisnotaline · 25/06/2022 09:33

He should be paying towards these things. Personally I would ask every single time by text or something recorded both to make him say no and so I build up this level of evidence of shit dad.

BiscoffSundae · 25/06/2022 09:33

Yes it’s right he says no, not morally but legally he doesn’t have to pay for it so yes he has a right to say no as cm is all he legally has to pay.

Singleandproud · 25/06/2022 09:34

Morally he should contribute to big unusual expenses but he does not have to. Which is rubbish but is the way it works.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/06/2022 09:36

What is his maintenance payment based on? Ie is it for you looking after your children 7 days a week or 3 for example? I would probably ask him for the pro-rated amount. Ie if it's a mon-Fri trip and he normally has dc on a Tuesday night, then he should definitely be paying 20% because it's happening on his day.

millymollymoomoo · 25/06/2022 11:12

Legally he’s right
morally he’s a twat

Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 21:16

Thanks everyone. He's always hated the amount he's had to pay via CMS, £230. So he's conveniently submitted a tax return (self employed) this year claiming to be earning a hell of a lot less. So I now get the bare minimum anyway

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Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 21:18

He has a very good trade who would never be out of work and has been splashing the cash this year on holidays, cars etc so I find the new earning amount very hard to believe

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AnneElliott · 25/06/2022 21:34

Of course he should pay half of the trip. I'd definitely ask him. By text so you have the evidence if he says no.

bbqhulahoop · 25/06/2022 21:42

How old is DD? Could she ask and can you afford (even if it's hard...) if he says no?

I've not had a penny from ex since he quit his job 3 months after we split. DD bow 11. I've given up because he's in an industry where he can easily get cash in hand work while "unemployed" and he uses DD as a weapon like he won't return her if I push a CMS claim

I've been a single mum who ate one packet of crisps a day to bring in a relationship now with an amazing man who earns more than me and covers 2/3 of the family bills. I'm super fortunate, I know, but DD about to start high school and when she wants to do a 1k+ school trip to the US then I'm not sure what I'll do... we couldn't afford it easily but we could if our jobs safe, but why shouldn't he pay? And why are school trips different to say to day feeding/ bills etc x

Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 22:21

AnneElliott · 25/06/2022 21:34

Of course he should pay half of the trip. I'd definitely ask him. By text so you have the evidence if he says no.

There's no point texting as he just ignores them if he doesn't like what's in them!

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Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 22:24

bbqhulahoop · 25/06/2022 21:42

How old is DD? Could she ask and can you afford (even if it's hard...) if he says no?

I've not had a penny from ex since he quit his job 3 months after we split. DD bow 11. I've given up because he's in an industry where he can easily get cash in hand work while "unemployed" and he uses DD as a weapon like he won't return her if I push a CMS claim

I've been a single mum who ate one packet of crisps a day to bring in a relationship now with an amazing man who earns more than me and covers 2/3 of the family bills. I'm super fortunate, I know, but DD about to start high school and when she wants to do a 1k+ school trip to the US then I'm not sure what I'll do... we couldn't afford it easily but we could if our jobs safe, but why shouldn't he pay? And why are school trips different to say to day feeding/ bills etc x

It's so unfair isn't it, it makes me so mad that they can get away with dodging their responsibilities.

DD is 11. I will make sure she can go one way or the other.

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arethereanyleftatall · 25/06/2022 22:48

£230 is a pathetic amount. What a vile excuse for a father. He should pay the whole lot given that. Arsehole.

Original poster

windywoo78 · 25/06/2022 23:19

arethereanyleftatall · 25/06/2022 22:48

£230 is a pathetic amount. What a vile excuse for a father. He should pay the whole lot given that. Arsehole.

Ha ha that was the old amount he begrudged paying, it's £140 now!

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Redkatagain · 26/06/2022 10:48

I think he may be right to say no in certain circumstances.

For example, DH said no when asked by his ex. The reason was that she had agreed to the trip without even mentioning it to him and told the child they could go.

When she told him, we had just booked a holiday for us as a family for the same cost and we couldn't afford both.
Paying for the (whole~that's what was expected) school trip would have meant we -including the other DSC - couldn't go away and that was unfair. So he said he wanted both his children to have a holiday, he wasn't paying for just one of them to have time at the seaside.

For context, he was paying for the holiday and I was paying for food and spending money.

Clymene · 26/06/2022 10:54

I'd ask OP. but obviously he's tight as a gnat's arse so I'm not sure how far you'll get.

Men who don't pay for their children are scum.

Original poster

windywoo78 · 26/06/2022 21:39

Redkatagain · 26/06/2022 10:48

I think he may be right to say no in certain circumstances.

For example, DH said no when asked by his ex. The reason was that she had agreed to the trip without even mentioning it to him and told the child they could go.

When she told him, we had just booked a holiday for us as a family for the same cost and we couldn't afford both.
Paying for the (whole~that's what was expected) school trip would have meant we -including the other DSC - couldn't go away and that was unfair. So he said he wanted both his children to have a holiday, he wasn't paying for just one of them to have time at the seaside.

For context, he was paying for the holiday and I was paying for food and spending money.

I do get where you're coming from and agree when it's an optional trip that's a nice to go on type of trip. But this is a whole class trip that's a standard part of the curriculum so it won't be a surprise

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underneaththeash · 26/06/2022 21:47

In six months, just inform HMRC. He'll have online reviews probably which will indicate the amount of work he's doing. You could even get a PI.
Be difficult for contact.