Hi,
I filed for divorce almost two years ago as I'd been unhappy in the marriage for quite some time. I had hoped it would be a quick divorce but things became more complex when stbxh wasn't (and still isn't) contributing to the cost of the children (living with me although one is over 18 now). Also, he inherited money and property after the date I'd put down as the separation date. I have posted before, under a different name, so some will probably recognise my story.
His solicitor has ringfenced the inheritance, including the property (that he now resides in). He also paid AVC's into his pension throughout our marriage. I was part time for 12 years raising the kids so my pension and salary took a hit. I have been full time since 2016 and took a higher paid role a couple of years back (knowing that I needed more money if I was going it alone). I have always l been the bigger earner apart from when I was part time when we earned roughly similar amounts. I have both kids although the eldest stays with him part of the week. I pay all school costs and phones. Other stuff too.
There is a ten year age gap so, as he is ten years closer to retirement than me, that has to be taken into consideration.
I have been offered £125k as a settlement figure (not touching pensions or his inheritance). Obviously, this isn't a lot and the houses that are ok in my town are £280k upwards for a 3 bedroomed house.
His solicitor has arranged for mediation. I'm not sure what will come out of this but, as it stands, they want me to accept £125k settlement leaving me with my reduced pension untouched. I'd also still have the younger child 100% of the time. No child maintenance has been paid at all. He, on the other hand, would have £125k from the family home, a big pension (>£350k), an inherited property (£180k) and inherited money (don't know the amount).
I'm worried about taking on another mortgage at my age (50) and reducing my disposable income to such a low amount that I'd be making myself very vulnerable to debt if a repair or something needed doing. My take home pay - at the moment - is about £2500 a month. Bills out of that are approx £900 a month (this includes a £242 monthly car payment for another 3.5 years and £148 loan payment for 3.5 years). Costs for food, petrol, kids, school, pocket money probably in the region of £700 a month. So, £900 + £700 = £1600 leaving me with roughly £900 a month spare. I usually save this but often spend a bit on days out etc.
I'm worried that a mortgage will reduce this £900 to around £200 a month left. This doesn't feel 'safe' to me at all.
As I've mentioned, my stbxh has somewhere to live - I don't. I'm feeling very vulnerable and my solicitor is trying to avoid court and sent me a list of fees that would entail. I'd like to avoid court myself.
I do feel guilty at ending the marriage but it was dead. Sexless, no affection or connection.
What do you think I should ask for at mediation? A reasonable figure that will allow me to get a house £280k (and this really is the minimum price for a decent area and not in a rough area) without crippling me financially? I was thinking £175k if not £200k. Bear in mind my pension has been hit and I have a child residing with me.
I feel like I am living in limbo at the moment with nowhere to live. I don't want to keep the family home as it's too big and I need to live nearer my daughter's school. I don't want to stay here anyway due to memories and it's a high maintenance house. I'm paying a gardener to look after the garden and bushes outside atm. I've been getting very dizzy lately and have been struggling with bending down.
Anyone - pleas suggest a reasonable figure.