Hi ladies
I know I’m not the first to post a topic of this nature. Two weeks ago my husband of 3.5 years left me and my 2 year old daughter. My little girl had just returned from a week holiday abroad that he couldn’t justify coming along on due to work pressures . He works in hospitality so it was a busy bank holiday weekend but still he managed to take the Saturday off (note he’d never take a Saturday off for us) and had a blow out night be all accounts spending plenty of money he doesn’t have.
we have had a tough time over the last few years, we had our daughter three months before COVID hit and the pandemic wasn’t an easy time for us - I was out of work on mat leave and his restaurant business was naturally affected by closures etc ( albeit they have come out better than ever).last summer to my shock I discovered that my husband had almost £200k in debt to various people which of course rocked the boat significantly. He left us for 9 days last year and then came back after some persuasion from me but was never transparent about the nature of the debts, the amounts other than some was overspending and I now know a large proportion is due to gambling.
since then our relationship has never been the same - I have tried my hardest to make it work but he has made it increasingly difficult. Spending as little time as possible with us, always working (he works in a late night restaurant/bar) and night after night he came home after 11pm if not later. He only used to spend a Wednesday with us in his day off and a Sunday. Since January he gave up his Wednesdays favouring not to spend time with his daughter and I to concentrate on reopening a new restaurant. I pretty much single handedly raise our daughter and what’s more I provide for her financially for the most part.
for the last five years I have completely been beholden to him Working towards a goal of selling the restaurant business in which he is a minor shareholder. I am a full time corporate lawyer have a demanding job and still he has offered me no support and our relationship has always been About his wants and needs.
To cut a long story short he told me about 8 weeks ago the business is due to be sold in august for a large sum of money. This was supposed to be an exciting time for our family and something we have very much worked towards in the five years we have been together.
two weeks ago he left us. Became steely cold, said the love is gone and he doesn’t hate me but he is unhappy and our marriage apparently doesn’t work.
I was a complete mess last week and still am to some extent. I know we had some problems but I categorically do not agree with his view and his decision to leave us high and dry in favour of the care free single life.
there are so many worries I have right now about the financial situation but I am mostly so worried about my little girl. I have raised her 99% of the time. He is currently staying in a friends apartment (an unsavoury friend at that) and he is now making requests to spend time with her but of course only on his terms (on days off to suit etc) I am seriously aggrieved that someone can have very little interest in his family during a marriage, failing to be there when we needed him (including leaving me another time when my baby was seriously poorly in hosp with croup) walk out on you, then dictate that he gets a play date without responsibility when. It suits. He has managed to source a car in a week and is already looking for an apartment so I don’t suspect he has intentions to ever return.
I have no intention to deny him a relationship with her over our lifetime but she is 2, he has rarely “looked after her”, is financially irresponsible, reckless, works all hours day and night, would happily palm her off on any old waitress to look after and lacks any kind of emotion or empathy which means he has no real understanding of her basic needs.
I am coming to terms with the shitshow he has left me in and feel like I’m getting battered around whilst he is making demands and turning my life completely upside down. I didn’t want this. I am still trying to come to terms with what he is doing and am very very sad for all of us.
ive probably vented too much. I’m normally a very capable person but I’m so frightened by this and genuinely don’t know what to do next.