Savings account in my name

[Frances2022]

Hi. First post here. Currently in the process of an unpleasant separation. I'm seeing a mediator this week, my ex partner still living in our home has already seen the mediator but not communicating anything with me.
I've been ill with worry, went to A&e with chest pains and given diazepam, my periods have stopped, generally in a state. He is seemingly taking it in his stride.
He opened a savings account in my name, for me ( before all this) with £13,000 to help with house repairs. He has a very decent sized property folio and is from a wealthy (very entitled) family.
I won't go into details about my situation as it's slightly complicated however he has now demanded the savings back saying it is his money.
The account is in my name. He opened it using my details. The money is for the house.
His sister also owes me 3,500 from years ago so he has said I can have 3,500 from the 13,000 but the rest is his.
I believe this to be unfair taking into account our financial situation with him earning 10 x more than me.
He can't access the savings without my consent.
He has now suggested we split in it half but that's still unfair as 3,500 is owed to me.
I have now suggested he takes 4,750. He has reluctantly agreed and still sees the money as his.
He will be more than ok following the separation and I will be struggling and possibly lose my job as I work from home.
I could come out of this losing more than I can imagine so that bit of savings was a real safety nest for me ie pay the mortgage
Any thoughts or suggestions please?
Sorry for the long post! 🤦

Are you married?

You say partner, so I assume you’re not married.
What about the house - rented or owned. If owned, is it in joint names?

It’s yours in your name
i wouldn’t be handing any of it over

are you married ?

Why do you feel entitled to the money ? Did you save it or did he save it? If it was for the house and was not a gift it should be returned to whoever saved it. Offset his sisters debt if that settles the issue for you.

Unless you have children and sacrificed earnings to raise them, the difference in your earnings is irrelevant. It does not entitle you to a payout. There is no basis for anyone to get a payout because someone ends things with them just because there is a disparity in earnings.

If the money was a gift take it. If you know it wasn’t, then why are taking it. Because you can or because you think you are owed money for being in a relationship.

I agree with the above poster. The money wasn’t given as a gift to you, the money was saved for house repairs. It should be spent on the house repairs or returned to your ex. The money his sister owes you isn’t his debt and legally, you’ve no right to keep it out of money belonging to him: you need to pursue her directly through a small claim. Likewise, his family’s wealth isn’t relevant here, they don’t owe you anything because of your working arrangements.

If your ex owes you money for the mortgage or any bills and you can evidence this, then you have a legal basis to withhold this from of the savings. You can’t hold onto them because breaking up is going to affect your personal finances.

I sacrificed a well paid teaching job to spend more time at home with my son and work from home..making it a home. I'm not expecting a 'payout'. The house is half mine and the money in the savings account was opened in my name with my details and is for the upkeep of the home and my son .
When you split with a partner does that mean everything the spent or gifted you has to be returned to them? he bought my car, which is now in my name, do I have to give that back?
I'm not married but been together for 17years in a very controlling relationship.

Your last post is rather different to your first: you initially said the money was saved for house repairs rather than for your joint child.

Things specifies as gifts don’t have to be returned, no. Money owed by his sister isn’t his debt, though, regardless. It sounds as though you need a solicitor rather than to keep arguing about this with him.

He isn’t responsible for his sisters debt.

He is too cowardly to confront his sister about the debt so he has promised he would give it to me. Promised me for 5 years. I would be waiting for years if I went to small claims.

Surely this is one of the things you’ll be discussing via mediation? What’s the point in having two separate negotiations, one mediated, one not?

If the account is in your name can you actually access the money yourself ?
Do you have the paper work or logins or know which bank it is ?

Contact the bank & ask for the account to be closed

Get all the money sent to another account in your name ( preferably open a brand new account somewhere )

Gifts do not need to be returned. Including this money.

Assuming the child is also his then sort out maintenance. If the house is in both your names and likewise with the mortgage then this should be relatively (and I say that advisedly) easy to sort out.
As you're not married then nothing else is relevant, which is a terrible shame after 17 years but that's why marriage exists and in many countries it is considered a way to protect women.

I am sorry you are going through this.

I think you need proper legal advise, don’t pay anything back until you do.