Divorce financial settlement, his house

[Poppy542]

I have already had legal advice from two solicitors but I am wondering if their recommendation to me is right in a moral sense. My ex has told me I am unreasonable.

My situation is as follows:

We were married for 2 years before we split, so a short marriage in the eyes of the law.
We were cohabiting for a total of 5 years (so 3 years unmarried, 2 years married)
We have a 1 year old baby.
The house we were living in is his, bought before we were together. My name is not on the mortgage or deeds of the house. I paid half bills and rent for 5 years but did not put my savings into the house (I wanted us to move to a house which we both chose together and put equal amounts towards, but he did not want to do this as he didn’t believe our marriage was strong enough to buy a house with me)
We both work part time and look after our baby jointly on the days the other parent works.
The marital home (his house) is worth over 500k.
I’m approx 80-100k short of affording a 2 bed house for my son and I to live in. (I have seen a mortgage advisor) My solicitor said if it goes to court I would get this amount. I have not said this figure to me ex but I have implied I need more than he is offering.
House prices are stupidly high, and have risen so much in the last 5 years. I have lost any gain in this equity as I chose to move in with my ex rather than buying a house myself (my foolish decision, isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing)
My ex is willing to give me half the equity rise of the marital home (which is working out to be around 15k. after he has taken off extras and stamp duty he paid towards the house)
I said I need more and suggested mediation or solicitors to sort this house for us. He is now refusing to talk to me and says he wishes to “no longer know a person like me as wanting more money is indecent and morally wrong”
So I guess my question is.. am I?? Is this mortally wrong? I need to provide a home for my son.
I could work full time, but my ex is unwilling to allow him to go to nursery. He can afford to work less and have our son full time and still keep his house and afford to run it. He has already suggested I go back to work full time to get full mortgage capacity and then pay him child maintenance to look after our son. I don’t think this is fair as I do not want to lose my son more than 50% of the time.

What should I do? Do I just take the money he is offering me? (The 15k) He has suggested I look at shared ownership homes and help to buy government loans to help towards purchasing a home.

My solicitor has advised me mediation will not work with him and has advised we start the Form E (full financial disclose) and allow the courts to recommend the financial settlement.

I feel sick to the stomach about it all. He has made me feel like a horrible person and a gold digger. I’d rather not have a penny of his money but I need to provide a home for my son. He has also accused me of ‘using our son’ as an excuse to buy a house which has made me feel even more sick to the stomach.

Thank you for reading and I’d be grateful to hear your views. Please go kind on me as I’m feeling quite sensitive, but I’d be grateful to hear some unbiased opinions. Thanks.

Your ex has no say in the childcare you use in your time with your joint child.

So if you want your son to go to nursery, a childminder or be looked after by your Aunt Bertha so you can work full-time and you are the main carer of your child or have your child 50% of the time then he has no say. (Just be aware that paid childcare will have implications on the chance of you getting a mortgage but it is full time only until they are start school. Depending on when your child is born this can be 4 or 5 years. )

Likewise if he uses one of his parents or a girlfriend who he dumps the care of your joint child on during part of his time with your son every other Saturday or whenever he has care of your joint child then you have no say either.

The only time either of you can make a fuss is if the person doing childcare is known to the authorities as a child abuser.

You are also expected to give each other details of where your son is staying overnight. (Though most solicitors will tell you not to push on this particularly if there are third parties who are children or vulnerable involved.)

In regards to your divorce - the Courts will also expect you to support yourself so work full-time. As you are currently the primary carer of your son then the Courts will also expect your ex to stump up to help house your joint child with you. They don't expect either of you to change your son's routine. So follow your solicitors advice and allow the courts to sort out a financial settlement.

He is being unreasonable. Even if he was only giving you half the equity he shouldn't be taking off stamp duty etc.

Follow your solicitors advice and let the court decide.

Oh and he could care for your DS every day of the week whilst you work. CM goes on overnights I think so as long as you have them over night he has no claim. I might stand corrected on that on though.