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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Leaving family home

13 replies

88b · 17/06/2022 10:22

Been with my husband for 14 years married for 12. Two children 9 and 10. Very unhappy as relationship has deteriorated, husband sending pics to someone on Instagram, hacking my Facebook, blaming me for everything, moody about me socialising. I have asked for a divorce but he insists I move out. Im a nurse and he says I can't offer stability with my shift patterns. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Im worried my kids will think its about them and i dont care about them.

OP posts:
easyday · 17/06/2022 11:27

I think HE should move out. You stay in the home with the kids. Don't give him any grounds that you have willingly left them.
Get yourself to a solicitor before you do anything.

Quartz2208 · 17/06/2022 11:33

Ger legal advice and do not move out

Igmum · 17/06/2022 11:53

Yes, don't move out, please see a lawyer. Sounds like he's trying to bully you out of a fair settlement. There's plenty of nurse single parents out there. It's tough but it's doable. Good luck

88b · 17/06/2022 13:54

Thank you

OP posts:
Holly60 · 17/06/2022 13:56

Speak to work and explain the situation - could they offer more consistent shifts for a while?

GreenManalishi · 17/06/2022 14:05

Sit tight and do not move out. Don't listen to a word of what he tries to have you believe, and see a solicitor asap.

88b · 17/06/2022 14:07

Its the early starts and late finishes. I have no living relatives to support with childcare and even if school clubs were feasible DD goes to high school next year so would only help for a year. The consistency thing is an excuse I think tbh. I dont do nights, I rarely do weekends. I don't want to get into a custody battle. Im on my own in this world, with no savings. He's got family to support him. I just worry about kids thinking I have moved out easily and its a reflection on how much I love them

OP posts:
GreenManalishi · 17/06/2022 14:21

Don't consider leaving without seeing a solicitor first and having a solid plan in place.

KangarooKenny · 17/06/2022 14:24

Do not leave.
Speak to a solicitor ASAP.
Don’t worry about childcare, you will sort it.

KangarooKenny · 17/06/2022 14:26

Have you got a Blue Light card for discounts ?
Have you got a Tesco/Sainsburys card ? Buy all food and petrol using it and store up your points.
Ring around solicitors for a free first chat, get all your questions ready so you really make use of it.

millymollymoomoo · 17/06/2022 15:40

Why on earth would you move out and not tand the kids
dont even think about it
msny divorcing couple stay living in the same house while divorcing and working financials out

difficult but don’t leave the house

MandUs · 18/06/2022 11:20

Can you move job to one where core hours are a possibility? I have met a few single parent nurses working core hours even on wards where they usually do long shifts. Don't dismiss this option. Have a meeting with your charge nurse and investigate your trust's working policy in regards to family friendliness.

Stay living together while the divorce is in progress. This will buy you time to find a work solution.

You could even just do bank or agency shifts until your kids are older. I know sooooo many parents who do this. Allows them to pick their own shifts and negotiate hours. Everywhere is so desperate for nurses that with bank/agency you really get your pick and are in full control.

DecimatedDreams · 18/06/2022 11:24

easyday · 17/06/2022 11:27

I think HE should move out. You stay in the home with the kids. Don't give him any grounds that you have willingly left them.
Get yourself to a solicitor before you do anything.

Why should he leave? If it's a jointly owned property, no matter how he has behaved the op doesn't get to say she wants to end the marriage and then evict him from his own home.
OP - these are the horrible logistics and arguments of separation and divorce I'm afraid. Do not make any knee jerk decisions and do not let him dictate what happens.

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