Housing need and Income

[maccaroni]

Going though mediation currently: long marriage, 3 kids (one still under 18, one over 18 about to start uni, one 21+ and just finished uni) ExH earns approx 8x more than I do and as he had a job with lots of overnight stays away etc and an irregular pattern its meant I have worked from home for the last 16 + years and done the vast majority of the childcare, running the home etc alongside my job, picking up all the slack at short notice etc. My future earning potential I feel is now significant impacted due to time out of the workplace and my age. I enjoy the job I do now and although I am happy to take on additional work alongside this work to improve my income, I do not want to quit this job and go and look for a full time time role until my youngest goes to uni (in 3 years).

We started to discuss housing needs and he is arguing for a 50:50 split saying our needs are the same. He is only including our youngest in this (I know this is technically the law but if we were still together he'd def not have this attitude to our children)

My argument is that I have one child with me full time and that the one about to go to uni will be at home 21 weeks a year (nearly 5 months) in uni holidays. Eldest plans to move back home for a year to save up and establish himself in work before moving out. None of the kids stay overnight with him btw. I think I need a slightly bigger house than him and I also want to stay in the same area due to my child's school being nearby and exams looming. He wants to move elsewhere where the housing is cheaper (same city, different area)

I don't think 50:50 is fair in this situation, but am I wrong? I am considering whether I'd be best to forget mediation and ask a solicitor to just secure me a decent settlement instead.

Your needs position will be defined as having only have one dependent child who is old enough for you to be able to work full time now. Whether that results in a 50:50 split will depend on other factors.

Sounds like if you want to buy a bigger home you will need to fund it yourself if the marital pot isn’t big enough.

The pot is big enough but I think ex-h is expecting to end up with a lump sum left over to fund his exciting new single life!
Mine will all have to go on the house otherwise where will my children actually live!? If we were still married we wouldn’t have kicked them out at 18 to fend for themselves.

You can work full time though with DC those ages. It may be your preference to work PT, but that won’t hold any weight.

What's his income? If he's in 8x your salary that could be £80k to your £10k, or £160k to your £20k or even more.

You will be expected to work ft with children that age. But if his salary is over £100k there could be grounds for spousal maintenance. It might not be much, and it might not be for long, but if you can prove that your earning potential has been compromised in order for him to increase his (by way of having to be available for the dc) then you might be lucky.

You'd need to post full details of incomes/assets/needs for anyone to have a more accurate guesstimate.

As an aside, if he's saying you only need a 1 bed place, then he will only need the same, hence more of the assets will bee available in the pot to share. Don't forget that CEV pension might be worth WAAAAAY more than has been estimated.

Needs only define how the marital pot is split. They don’t dictate how anyone of them lives afterwards. It’s up to you whether you want a big house in an expensive area or a cheaper house elsewhere.

If 50% of the pot affords you a home to live in with your child in the area then you don’t need a bigger asset split to provide housing.

Look into other issues such as pensions, are you getting 50% of the pension pot?

Does your FT salary + CMS given you and the one child enough to live on ? If not you might be able to capitalise in lieu of spousal.

OP, it’s doesn’t matter how you think you would have lived if you didn’t divorce. You are getting divorced. The two older children are adults and don’t factor in as far as divorce law is concerned. If you want to make provision then best try to negotiate outside courts. That’s what other people do and as long as they know what they are doing a judge will sign it off.