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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He won't tell me where he's taking DC

20 replies

whymewhyme · 11/06/2022 08:45

So... posted alot over the last 6 weeks. Ex is being a massive dick, alot has gone on. Too much to even write down but in a nut shell, her husband contacted me for info, he had it out with her and she admitted having a affair but hasn't admitted they are together now dispite him sleeping her house everynight and clearly spending time with her dc.

I sent him a pic of his car outside her house and he went nasty, instantly said hes is stopping paying the bills to the house which has left me in a mess financially as I've been off sick with stress. He sprt of admitted it but saying they were both single. Didn't see him for a week cuz me and dc went away so when he picked dc up on Tuesday he wouldn't tell me where he was taking DC for tea which upsett me alot. I asked him not to do it again as it's nasty and i need to know. We drew a line under everything and i said let's move forward for dc sake. fast forward to last night, i got a horrible call off him accusing me of telling her husband that ive my husband isn't safe to be around children...I've said no such thing given his profession that would be a life altering accusation. I hate him but I'd never ever do that. So she's basicaly making stuff up to cause agrow between us.

He's collecting dc at 11am...what do i do if he doesn't tell me where hes going? Can i stop dc from going?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 11/06/2022 08:48

Do you tell your ex every time you go somewhere out if the house with D.C.?

it’s an unreasonable expectation

sorry you’re having trouble with your ex and his philandering

notapizzaeater · 11/06/2022 08:49

You can't make him tell you where he's taking the kids, what he does with them on his 'watch' is his business.

Have they phones? Can you see there phones On a tracker ?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 11/06/2022 08:50

I cant understand who is who.

Bottom line: is the contact court ordered?

Has he not returned dc previously? Are you concerned that he wont? Does he usually tell you where theyre going?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 11/06/2022 08:51

Do you tell him everywhere you go with the DC? Ivery much doubt you do. Expecting him to do so is unrealistic

KangarooKenny · 11/06/2022 08:52

He doesn’t have to tell you where they are going. Stop being controlling.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2022 08:53

Where do you worry he’s taking them? How old are they? On his time it’s up to him what he does with them. You can stop them going but it’s not in their interest for you to obstruct their relationship with their father - whatever’s going on between the two of you. You’re both equal parents and they have a right to a relationship with both of you. None of his behaviour is their fault and you shouldn’t punish them to get to him.

Doyoumind · 11/06/2022 08:54

You can't insist he tells you where he's taking them. It might be hard for you, but you aren't entitled to know, just like you don't have to report your every move to him.

spotcheck · 11/06/2022 08:54

When he picks up, tell him that you didn't say those things.

ImustLearn2Cook · 11/06/2022 08:55

I’m a bit confused with who is who in your OP.

But, ignoring all that, why do you need to know where ex is taking the children for tea?

SaintJavelin · 11/06/2022 08:56

He doesn't have to tell you, just like you don't have to tell him.

And if I was in your situation and I found out that ex-DH was tracking the children I'd be removing the tracking devices.

LetHimHaveIt · 11/06/2022 09:03

I'm sorry that he's behaved so badly, OP, but you're on a hiding to nothing here. You can't stop him taking DC out; he doesn't have to tell you where they're going. You don't 'need to know'.

I'd focus on finding a solicitor if you haven't already, so you can sort out sale of the house, a possible pension-sharing agreement, etc, and making sure your ex undertakes to make adequate financial provision for your child. You also need to try and get yourself mentally fit enough for a return to work as soon as possible.

Good luck.

RoseAndRose · 11/06/2022 09:08

Of course you can't stop your ex taking the DC out.

And they don't have to tell you where they go, any more than you need to provide an account of with you do with the DC.

I recommend you stop stirring things - I found your post a little confusing at times, but you really need to butt out from things like sending pictures into the middle of a fight.

SolasAnla · 11/06/2022 09:24

No you cant stop the children from seeing their father.

His childrens relationship has nothing got to do with the breakdown of your relationship with him.

You clearly do not beleive that the children are in any kind of danger.

If he was unfaithful, and your relatonships broke down because of it, that is between you and him.

If the partner he was unfaithful with was also unfaithful to her partner it is not your business, and you are working against your best interest by allowing yourself to be drawn into the conflict.

So STOP communicating with other people about what he (or his partner) did or is doing.

Firstly it is none of your business any more.

Secondly you are creating hostility and volatile situations and conflict between you and him for no valid reason.

NerrSnerr · 11/06/2022 09:25

He doesn't need to tell you where he's going with them. You need to let the children see their dad without conflict.

Original poster
whymewhyme · 11/06/2022 09:34

Sorry if I've rambled. I don't want to stop contact at all. I will just hand over as normal it's just really hard when hes so unpleasant.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 11/06/2022 09:54

You are being completely unreasonable op
i get that its hard but you have no right to demand this and no right to try to prevent your child seeing him ! He does not have you tell you where they are !

auberJohn · 11/06/2022 12:15

I feel sad for your kids caught in the middle of parental hostility and conflict.

Sirzy · 11/06/2022 12:20

After you split you took photos of his car to prove where he was?

you Can’t control where he takes the children when he is on his time with them.

it sounds like you need to stop communicating with each other about anything but the children. Get a proper agreement in place

Original poster
whymewhyme · 11/06/2022 16:49

Sorry for the confusion, i didn't want to stop him but he's threatening to introduce other woman after a few weeks although I know i dont have a leg stand on with that ive asked him to hold off and deliberately trying to make things awful, he's been very hostile. I didn't take the photos of his car,it was sent to me, he kept denying he was with her. Anyway it's all sorted today he's agreed not to be secretive and to be more open, we've drawn a line under it all and moving forward for DC.

OP posts:
Lizzieismagic · 11/06/2022 17:19

Ime make the most of the time dc are with their df to look after yourself. Then you will be less stressed and appreciate them when they come home. You really can't say where he takes time.. When I split with first dh I got a dpuppy. Gave me lots to keep me busy!

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