When 50:50 isn’t “fair”

[SunnydSarah]

Quick question trying mediation with my STBXH he’s INSISTING on everything being 50:50 which is great in one way but it means I will have to sell the family home to get half of his pension and I would rather have the house and he keep his pension as they are about the same, can he literally just not agree and force a sale? Just doesn’t seem fair

He may well be able to force a sale.

The problem with you keeping all the house and him keeping all the pension is twofold:

1. how does he adequately house himself
2. how are you looked after in retirement.

Generally courts will want you to have equality of income in retirement and to make sure that you're both housed appropriately.

It is possible to offset pensions against house, but it's unlikely if he's against it. And offsetting the whole lot is usually a bad idea for both parties.

That said. It's important to look at the full picture. So, savings, investments, salary, years till retirement, children (needs and ages etc) as they're all important factors in how things are split.

They'll also affect what's possible. For instance, if there were a load of cash savings or accessible investments that could enable him to adequately house himself, then there might be a clever offset you can do. Etc.

Could you buy his half out? So stay put but pay him half market value?

We don't have enough info to work out what's reasonable. But generally you can't force him to take all the pension and demand you keep all the house. He can probably force a sale if he can't house himself without the equity.

What about your pension OP ?

Sorry yes not enough info

children flown the nest
I have a pension (much smaller than his but enough) enough savings and a little business which will more than keep me going if I kept the house

he has a place to live small mortgage from inheritance so has a house

we are both late 50s still “friends” but this could be a big stumbling block

Even if I took half his pension it’s still only £10k a year but the house is worth £600k so it would cost me £300k which I don’t have and that 300k is the equivalent to 30 years of the pension I would get so it doesn’t make sense to me

Do you understand the values of pension and cetv/transfer values
generally they are not 1:1 ie £1 of house equity might equate to only £0.4 of pension etc

it can be possible To negotiate some level of offset but you need to understand the fair values of each

in addition your pension will also be in the pot for sharing

From the calculations in your last posts it seems like you’re asking for the much better deal - you want the big valuable family home whilst he has a small house with a mortgage, and what you’d get from a share of his pension is less than his share of the house. I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to agree to that.

Oh you’re the poster who wants to keep the £1m house which you can’t afffird to keep and fir him to live in small house with a mortgage yet still get pension etc
in which case agree with PP that I’m not surprised he doesn’t agree
you need to sell up and downsize like multiple people have already told you

Given what you've said, I wouldn't agree either

Yes your not being fair He could have a massive pension and drop dead and get not return out of it .

But that pension won't kick in till for another 15 years at least, surely? So that is money down the line whereas the house is money within the next few months.

I am sorry, OP. But I think that if you want to keep the house you will have to buy him out or sell it.

Sorry OP, what you're asking doesn't sound very fair.

But I’ll also take a more sensitive approach and acknowledge that the economics of splitting up are always tied up in emotions. At the moment, in the thick of it all, you’re attached to your home, it’s a huge part of your life and who you are, and thinking of leaving it seems impossible. I know, I’ve been there.

It isn’t worth the emotional stress. Sell it, and the other joint assets. Split the money equally. Move somewhere smaller that suits your new needs in your new life alone. In a few years’ time you’ll look around you and then think back and wonder why you wasted so much time and energy trying to argue about keeping the old house, and you won’t regret giving up on doing so.