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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

To dealing with a difficult ex!

2 replies

amberds · 08/06/2022 19:58

I (28 F) met him (38 M) in July 2021 and we quickly became an item. Been together since and we both are very happy.

He had been up front from the beginning about the fact that he was recently separated and going through divorce. If I’m honest I began to pull away due to this but he pursued me eagerly and I’m glad he did. He is the most caring, thoughtful and attentive partner I could have wished for.

His ex-wife left him in October 2020 but is still very much in the picture as they share two children (13 & 7). I have not met either of them as she won’t allow it.

His ex wife has untreated mental health/alcohol issues. When she found out he was now with me and had moved on (in and around September 2021), she threatened suicide. My partner, being the good man he is, immediately went to care for her and stayed the night (on the sofa) to ensure she didn’t act on her threats. While I trust him 100% I told him that I wasn’t ok with the fact he had stayed over. He told me that he acted quickly to protect his children, stating that they needed their mother and he wanted to ensure she didn’t do anything stupid whilst they were in her care.

Since this time he has distanced himself from her and they will only talk to discuss the children. The divorce is still pending whilst she waits for her solicitor to get funding in place.

To throw a spanner in the works, I have fallen pregnant and am currently 24 weeks. The pregnancy wasn’t planned but we are over the moon. He has now told his ex the news and to say she didn’t take it well is an understatement. This is my first baby and I have serious concerns about how this is going to pan out. I am blissfully happy with this man but I am worried about the impact this situation might have on baby, partner and myself!

I suppose I am just looking for some advice from anyone who might have experienced a similar situation and the best way to deal with it.

OP posts:
iCorvidae · 08/06/2022 20:31

I have not met either of them as she won’t allow it.

She doesn't get to dictate who he introduces his children* *to. They are going to have a half sibling soon.

CoopeyMum · 08/06/2022 22:01

When his children are with him, she has no influence over anything he does with his children when in his care.

Same goes when the children are with her, your DP will have the same lack of influence over anything she does with the children.

Obviously, if it's dangerous, then that's different.

You may find it difficult going forward, my advice is to set a standard now and stick to it. If you want to chat privately, just send me a DM.

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