Friends

[angiemcgregor]

Hi this is my first post I am into the 8th week of my world crashing down. I discovered my husband was cheating in me. We had been together for 23 years (18 years married) have 2 kids 14/17. After I found out about the affair he told me that he had been feeling that he didn't love me anymore and life had gotten boring. The other woman is also married and pregnant (not his) with her second child. He can't really explain to me why he doesn't want to try and work through things (nor would he stop seeing her) so in the end I asked him to leave. I had no idea anything was wrong he was acting totally normal. But now my world is crushed. The have talked we have about details to do with the house. And even then it feels like a just. When I have tried to talk to him about how I feel he acts like a fed up teenager/gets annoyed that I am still bringing it up as it will never change. But he feels we should still be friends as apparently he doesn't want to get to the stage where we do not talk. He hardly sees the kids, on his terms only and pays me CSA minimum even though I now have to run around taking them to all activities etc. He also lied to the kids about the relashonship with the other woman and i had to be the bad one that told them the truth. What I need to know is do we really need to be friends with the kids being older.

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Short answer, no you don't. Try to be civil but no need to be friendly. If children are older (over 16) they can choose to see Dad or not.

IMO, your children are both old enough to make their own arrangements with their dad and you just need to be informed of any important details. You absolutely do not have to continue being friends, I tried that, it does not work. Time and space will help but for not judt keep things civil, only discuss details that need to be dicussed such as finances if neccesary, kids, collection of his stuff. Try to do as much by email etc so you dont have to deal with it straight away.

Things do get better but it takes time. Good luck

Civil definitely, it's important for the children for you to both to be able to discuss matter concerning the children and to be at events in the future, we cope fine with this even though it was awkward the first time

No, you don’t need to be friends.
Its never a bad thing to be civil if and when you have to see eachother, but friends? No. Especially after how your marriage ended.
I’m lucky in that me and my ExH are quite friendly, but our marriage just came to a sort of natural end 🤷🏻‍♀️ There was no major, marriage-ending event, we just got married way too young, and spent a long time living as friends rather than romantic partners anyway. I still wouldn’t be calling him up to go socialising with, but we get on well. From what I’ve seen and talking to friends who’ve separated, me and my Ex are very much against the grain! Majority of people I know who’ve separated are civil for the sake of their kids, but generally speaking do not like their ex-spouse or want to be friends with them!