Hello all
I've namechanged for this as H knows I frequent mumsnet.
I know it's a long post but let me start by saying, dear reader, that you may be young and not think this matters very much at all. Trust me though, as you approach a reasonable retirement age, having worked at full pelt for your entire career, it starts to matter a great deal.
I've worked ever since graduating (before too) and due to the nature of my work I had minimal maternity leaves, effectively working part-time from home for 6 weeks before returning to work. Until recently H too had worked constantly apart from paternity leaves.
During the pandemic I worked harder than ever on top of juggling the emotional and domestic needs of the kids, H, and my parents. H was furloughed from day 1 and had a year of doing nothing, then was made redundant and hasn't worked since (through choice, he's ignored contact from possible job sources), subsequantly having another year to date of doing....well, nothing really. If I hadn't already filed for divorce, him relaxing/laying around for the past 2 years whilst I worked harder and harder would have caused me to do so anyway.
As mentioned above, just before the pandemic hit I had filed for divorce (he's been a shit for years) so it all went on hold due to covid and we're way behind with things now.
To be frank, we're no spring chickens, so there's enough in the marital asset pot for his/mine and the kids needs but splitting will be time consuming/difficult with an unco-operative H whose constant attitude that any suggested split I put forward is "shafting" him, "us men always get shafted". He's "worked so hard all these years" (not disagreeing with that, but we've BOTH worked hard with the intent of retiring at a reasonable age plus I've juggled all home/child related responsibilities too). He's "supported me through maternity leaves" (see above regarding those "leaves", which were at full pay anyway)
Being blunt though, I've got 2 years less until retirement than him (H is 2 years younger than me) and on top of that he's just had a 2 year "sabbatical" when he could have worked by chose not to. Some days I'm really feeling my age recently, we both have/had responsible and stressful careers and I've got health issues which are ramping up.
Will the court (<sigh>, necessary because despite being keen on the idea, he failed to turn up for mediation, wasting time off work for me thereby losing income for the household, and he won't reply to any correspondence or appoint a solicitor) factor that difference in remaining working lifespan in to any % split of our assets/pensions ?
Also, can I ask for him to bear all the additional costs which have become necessary due his lack of co-operation ? He seems to have no regard for how much his refusal to address matters will cost in terms of having to go legal over everything.
Sorry this is so long/emotional but it's been quite cathartic setting it done in type...
I haven't mentioned our children in this thread as I'm just interested in whether H and I's ages would be a factor that the court would consider in trying to assess an equitable split.