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Divorce/separation

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Sharing clothes on shared custody

3 replies

MoreProseccoNow · 06/06/2022 12:11

My ex-p & I have 2 DC the following pattern: 1-midweek night & EOW plus 50% of school holidays. So they stay with him 35% of the time. He pays maintenance but earns double what I do (he is earning 85k).

Sharing clothes is an issue, as he often doesn't return clothes/uniform- so I am often left short for enough to wear at my home. For example, I bought DD an expensive party dress - not returned.

I can't buy unlimited clothes to compensate for this. His view is that he pays maintenance & the clothes belong to the DC, so he's not bothered about returning.

So for those of you with a similar pattern, how do you share clothes?

OP posts:
Vsirbdo · 06/06/2022 12:17

I wouldn’t be sending clothes other than what they go there in; its on him to buy the clothes that they wear at his house and then although you might not get what you send them in you’ll get another outfit that they come back in and just don’t anything you definitely want back.
we were on the opposite side with DSD staying with us 30% of the time and although we always returned uniform DH bought what DSD wore when with us and went back in it and came in another outfit the next time.
it got easier when she was about 11 and would pack her own stuff

MoreProseccoNow · 06/06/2022 12:26

Thanks for your reply; generally they have to go in uniform as the mid-week overnight & weekends is after school. There have been lots of "discussions" about this & I've said that I'll drop by on 2 evenings a week to collect it.

Sometimes hand over is mid-week in school holidays, so they have to wear something. DS will only wear Nike Shock so I've messaged ex about returning that. He said I am "filling their heads with poisonous shite" when I ask for stuff back as he thinks the kids possessions are available for both homes.

OP posts:
CoopeyMum · 06/06/2022 15:36

I feel your pain. I'm in a similar situation, our contact ends on the morning of school and sometimes we don't get back our stuff.

If it's outside of school, the kids go back in matching pj's and sliders (so I know what to expect)

Someone offered some good advice on the step parenting forum. Rather than saying via text email etc that "you" are missing X Y & Z from child's clothing. Say that "child" is missing. Because it directly relates to the child missing out, rather than the parent wanting it.

So far, it's worked to an extent for us.

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