Done Doing Right

[AL1CEM]

I'm 60 in a couple of months time. I'm not sure whether I should leave my husband. My mother says to wait until he's dead. He's a selfish diabetic, who retired at 58 and now lives the life of Riley. His mother was a Happy Doormat. He has very wide social life which involves him going out at least twice a week all day/night and getting pissed. He also spends his days advising people on their careers, life coaching etc (unpaid, he likes the ego trip of advising others) I work in retail, 3 days a week, do most of the housework etc and he expects me to pay my way even though I gave up a well paid job to bring up two boys and support him in his career. He talks about us going to places but I don't want to go with him. My social circle is much smaller than his (there is no cross over bar family). I would like to recreate my life. I loathe the man.

If you loathe him then that is all you need to know. End and move on.

That's too simplistic. He's the one with the money.

Sounds like you are married and a longish marriage at that. Starting point is half of everything is yours, so it's not his money ...

Yes, thank you. I know what you say is correct but he is a very clever, manipulative man. We married because he wanted to give "his" sons his name. He wanted rights but not responsibility.

Divorce him and don't waste any more time with a person you loathe. He sounds awful.

Life is too short to stay with someone you loathe.

Just because he has diabetes doesn't mean he couldn't outlive you. And he could leave his money to someone else.

Test the water by seeing a solicitor.

I’m similar in age and a long marriage. SAHM to our now adult child. Both retired. I don’t loathe him though.

My OH also has a busy and active social that I do not join in.

I have spoken to a lawyer and gleaned the following. Property would be split 50/50.

Assets would also be split 50/50. He has a military pension, and also has full state pension. My state pension will be very small or possibly nil as I was a SAHM and foolishly didn’t pay into a separate pension.

I was advised that his state pension would be taken into account (as well as mine) to achieve a 50/50 split.

You say he does life coaching for free, so he must have money to fund his life style. Savings/Pension/income. I’m sure if savings are from the marriage they would be counted as assets as well.

I may be wrong, but if you are only P/T, maybe you would be better off splitting?

If you loathe so much but staying with him for the money, you are being very deceitful and manipulative which makes you not much better than him.

Get out with your head high and dignity, much more rewarding.

Op has said she works and pays her way.
It doesn't sound as if she is living the life of Riley on the back of her husbands money.
Op you don't really give much information in your post other than he is a selfish diabetic who likes the sound of his own voice. Whatever your reasons are dont really matter. If you want a divorce you need to see a solicitor as your first step. You say he is clever and manipulative but you don't say in what ways. If you want to build a new life then do it. Get organised then start the divorce.