Can't get over it

[Ilovetea13]

Hi everyone, I'm really struggling after my ex leaving.
It's been 3 weeks and I just can't get over it, I thought it was what I wanted a while ago but now it's happened I can't stop crying all the time and I'm totally numb.
Bit of backstory - been together 13 years, one DS together aged 10.
the last 3 years we have grown apart basically living separate lives. He sat upstairs all the time(drinking) . I sat downstairs depressed and resentful because he wasn't helping which made us bitter towards each other.
Son is autisic and has health problems so life hasn't been easy and I've had a few health scares too.
Alot of name calling happens during arguments(,I think Ex- DH has undiagnosed autism) .
Been called a ugly b , a rat , lazy , a sponger( he pays most things) , , he hates me, I could go on ect ect ect.
Anyway after a another row a few weeks ago I got a text to say he's moving.
Got home and all his stuff had gone.
Heard nothing since other then off his family to say he's split up with me ect.
Why after everything am I sat here completely hurt, I have nobody really to talk to.
I think the relationship has been neglected due to DS health problems and I've has my own things going on we were great at the start,
if he has got something undiagnosed it's not his fault the way he spoke to me during rows and I should of not let it get to me.
My next step is I have to move out.
My heads spinning right now and all I'm thinking is I want him back which is stupid, I'm scared he will meet someone else or already has and I'm so lonely right now there has been no closure.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It will always be difficult and sad at the start. You need time to process and grieve the loss of your relationship or what your relationship could have been. It sounds like it really wasn't great though OP. There's no excuse for verbal abuse. And the addiction is very tough on a relationship. I'm guessing that like many of us who have been through similar, you'll be delighted with your new single life in a year or two.

In the meantime focus on looking after yourself and your son. Prioritise your needs. Surround yourself with loving family and friends if possible. Do nice things for yourself. Eat and sleep well. Get out for walks and fresh air.

I'm 6 months in and starting to feel better so there is light at the end of the tunnel! 🌸

Nope. He's an arsehole. Nothing to do with undiagnosed anything. Get some urgent counselling.

It is 100% his fault that he spoke to you that way. A few people with ASD in my family and there is no name calling.

He was very very cruel- of course you'll feel shocked and sad.
OP it's early days yet- you are grieving. Your whole life has been pulled out from under you, at a time when you are already worn down emotionally by the deteriorating relationship, and your parenting responsibilities. Most people aren't at their strongest at that point. Be patient with yourself.
Breakups are hard. Try and let go of the idea that you 'should' be feeling a certain way. You can only get through this in a series of small steps forward ( admittedly, there will be times when it feels you have been knocked back too).

You will get through this- there's a brighter future waiting
💐