How can I get my husband to move out?

[PoppyRose101]

Long story short...I found out my husband of 16 year was having an affair with a work colleague (that had been going on for at least 2 years). He denied it at first even though I'd found evidence. It took him 7 months to admit it because he didn't have the balls. Anyway, we are going through the process of separation but we are still sharing a bed and its killing me. I want him out of the house. I can't bear to be in the same room as him but because he doesn't have the balls to tell his mum and dad what's going on yet he's refusing to leave. I've suggested buying a sofa bed and moving into his office but he's done nothing about that. We have two kids 10 and 13 who we haven't told yet but I'm sure the oldest knows. She's not stupid and the atmosphere is shit.

His parents live a couple of miles away, mine are 200 miles away. I have nowhere else to go. He does.

How can I get him out?

We've started financial mediation. We've both had our individual meetings in Jan and we have our first joint meeting next week.

I don't know how much longer I can take of him living here but have no clue how quickly things will move now we have started mediation.

Help!!

I would just go and tell his mum and dad and ask whether he could stay over because it's too upsetting having him living there with you.

Buy a new bed. Put it in his office. Tell him he can either sleep in there, or you will move into his office and relocate his stuff to the main bedroom.

You can’t force him to move out. But you can take control of your own stuff - buy the bed, formalise the separation by telling the children.

You tell his parents and you tell the DC.

You could put a lock on the bedroom door so he has to sleep elsewhere although he may use that to turn on the waterworks and be the victim to the DC.

Thank you for your replies. I just want to get him out, tell the kids, sort out the finances and move on with my life without him. I've just had enough of the bullshit now. OK so I think my plan is to:
1 - tell him to get a bed in his office or move to his parents. And if he doesn't then I'm telling his parents and asking if me and the kids can move in.
2 - tell the kids (the first step will force this anyway and I'm totally OK with them knowing)
3 - stop doing his fucking washing and feeding him with the rest of us.

it's just so hard trying to keep it civil for the sake of the kids.

You can split finances.

Ring up UC and put a claim in as a single parent as you are living apart in the same house which means no more shared food/cooking/laundry etc. Claim CMS if you aren't doing 50:50 care of the DC.

Have you looked into your finances and what will happen regarding the house?

Rule #1 Don't move out of the house op.

But, rule 0, he's got just as much legal right to stay in the house as you do.

His parents aren’t responsible for the breakdown of the marriage and they aren’t responsible for dealing with the consequences of it. This is about you and him.

Rule 1 and 0 apply to both of you. I wouldn’t move out to my parents. I would want a place of my own. That puts enormous pressure on what will still be family finances. He will stop contributing to your home.

Invariably (in divorce) if you do something that is high handed, then he will retaliate to even the score. I don’t see this meaning he will move out. It might. I do see the finances separating and you becoming responsible for the whole cost of the house. Which is fair enough if you want to live in it in your own. Get you CMS and benefits claims ready.

Have you started divorce proceedings?

Agree with Lemon
if I was him I would not move out
keep his Parents ( and your children) out of it

As PP have said, buy the bed and show him you are serious. Arrange a time to sit down with the children and tell them together. You need to take control of the situation rather than waiting for him to do what you tell him. If you haven’t already done so get legal advice and get the divorce started.