Sorry long post....
Been with my hubby 18yrs, married nearly 9, but i jus keep thinkin id b better off without him!! We have a 6 yr old with autism which is so tough but this last yr has been so bad ive been off work since November and took an overdose a month ago. Over a year of lack of sleep/behavioural issues with son/stress/lack of support caring for my son whilst working 3 days a week as a kids nurse just took its toll!!! And i couldnt see any other way!
Since this ive started new medication and i did feel the best i have for years which is now making me doubt my relationship as hes caused me to feel s**t these past few weeks due to his money obsession and his behaviour, i feel like hes holding me back!!
So in relation to my hubby....i just feel we dont want the same things, dont have same attitudes/values, he is a narcissist i believe, some behaviours/things he does....
*seems to get a thrill out of purposely annoying/disagreeing with anything i say...provoking a reaction then blames it on me not being able 'to have a laugh' as he was 'only joking' or that im a psycho etc then expects me to just go back to normal/not fall out.
*he doesnt control money but is obsessed, like he'll tell me how much hes earned evry week... i really dont care, and hes made comments 'jokingly' how he earns more than me, im only part time so i should do everything else, whinging the other day about how much less was in our savings, were not saving for anything in particular, he would just rather save, id rather enjoy life now than when im 70!
*i now buy/do things without telling him as he makes a big deal of it and always disagrees/says opposite, could be big things like holidays, changing house decor etc, or really stupid little things, but he makes out that its me whos at fault wanting my own way, he turns it round saying im keeping secrets! but i just cba with all the hassle he gives me. Eg. I wanted a new bed for my son when he grew out his cot bed, my hubby ..he doesnt need a new bed blah blah, he does this with everything i want to buy, i mention a holiday destination....oh no i want to go to such a place when hes never mentioned it prior, Ive ordered a corner couch...he didnt want a corner...arrrgh! This is with everything though!!!
*blames me for everything/he knows better. Eg, if he cant find something i distracted him or made him lose it somehow, if i plan anything and it doesnt go right...i told you we should have....well i did say...etc
*hes very negative, we went to a lovely place for a walk where i love and hes never been, straightaway, oh its not as big as...oh itsnot that nice....etc jus moaning straightaway putting a downer on the day from the off
- he can be so needy and always moanin about some ache/pain like his back hurts, headache blah blah, im a kids nurse and a mum sorry not much sympathy left its like he wants me to feel sorry for him!!!
*no compassion or empathy, where im the complete opposite, to me seems like he doesnt care!!
*never wants to socialise unless its family- he doesnt bother with his friends, i remember a month after we started dating him saying to me 'i dont want to go out with my friends, just you' at the time i believed it was sweet but i think he just wanted it to always be the 2 of us! (A sort of keeping me to himself thing)
It sounds like nothing to some but he makes me doubt myself all the time!
I just worry about being on my own, where we'll live, money, custody etc but surely its better to enjoy my life and be happy not just be with him for the sake of it, i just feel like he holds me back and mentally drains me!!
I thought after everything thats happened recently he wouldnt still be obsessed with money, we have a lovely house,lovely holidays, plenty cash to enjoy ourselves but he'd rather put it all away...for what i dont know...i just think as long as i have enough to pay bills and enjoy life who cares! I just feel were very different people now!
I have returned today from a week abroad with family incl my son, my hubby didnt come as he didnt want to have another week off work (hes self employed and had a week off after my OD) i just think that spoke volumes about his priorities too, he could have easily had a week off losing pay as we have the all-important savings!!! To spend sone quality time with me and our son and a break for him too
He is bone idle around the house unless I tell him what I want him to do, Ive come home today after a 3am start for the airport,came home the house is disgusting, filthy eg.our sons wet nappies from before our hols still in bathroom/bedroom bins, everywhere a tip, bedding minging, wheelie bins all over the front of the house (we have a bin store) everywhere just scruffy,i was tidying, polishing and had windows open/candles burning for past few hrs to try freshen it up,i called him lazy,his reply...oh im lazy?? Obv having a dig cos ive been off sick, he just makes me feel shit about myself tbh, like ive not chosen to basically have a mental breakdown!! Ive really had enough, i worked out what i would be entitled to/outgoings prior to hol and thought id feel differently on return but its just seemed to confirm my feelings, when i told him i wanted to split a few weeks ago hes like but i dont want to,i said well what about what i want, i feel my life would be easier without him, i dont want to go near him sexually and just feel like im starting to hate him!!!
What are your opinions on this xxx