Where to start?

[StrawberryMargarita]

I'm planning to divorce my husband. We are still together for now, I think it might come as a bit of a shock to him but there are EA/CC issues and I've just had enough. I'm seeing a counsellor and trying to get things sorted so I can be prepared.

I have no idea where to start with it all. We have some cash savings of an equal amount each. We own three properties and a business together. No chidren. I would like to stay on in our main property but I don't know if he will let me. One of our rental properties is empty and I am considering just moving out into this property instead but where would that stand me? If he doesn't want the main property can he stop me having it? And could he legally trash the main house, like cut out all the plumbing and wiring and take the boiler etc before I moved back in?

He won't want to split things 50/50, despite accruing everything together. In fact he was saying something to me the other day about an "article he'd read" where a woman was gaslighting her partner and they split up because of it but she got half of everything, and did I think that was fair. Then accused me of gaslighting him. I'm fairly sure he will make it as hard as he can.

I don't know anyone who has even really split up with anyone before, because of the EA and being self employed my social circle is ridiculously small. Where do I start with everything - contact a local solicitor?

Bumping?

3 sources of information to look at, read, and understand

1. Gov divorce web site- explains process, all forms to use like D81 and form E . Very easy to understand. You can download the forms and look at togther to ensure you both set out with correct assumptions
2. advice Now site. This is a legal charity that is about helping people to understand the law and be less reliant on solicitors. . They do a number of excellent booklets to download for about £20 a shot. These talk you through how to manage your divorce and financial settlement and which bits you should use solicitor for, bits you might want a solicitor for to help, and bits you really don’t need solicitor for. They even have links to solicitors you can use who agree to just do specific tasks you d3cide you need their help for. Here is link to one on financial settlements www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer
3. mediate also have good resources on line…just search under their name to look at information on Consent Order. .

You need to look at the 10 or so criteria the court will look in meeting to approve (“seal”) your consent order. These are same as they would use to make a decision on a financial settlement for you if you could not agree yourselves or via Mediation services. These apply before the 50:50 assumption kicks in. This is first thing for both of you to get your heads around to understand what it roughly means for you and to dispel blame game, unreal expectations and come to terms with fact that you will BOTH be worse off and not keep all the assets you might think at this stage you “deserve”.

The 3 properties will likely, based on what you said, be assumed to be joint assets of marriage and will need to be listed on the D81 financial disclosure along with any debt on them and along with all other assets. So provided in your individual or joint names should be theoretical straight forward to split. Which properties you retain or sell will be dependant on what you agree to “clean break” with each other and ensure you both walk away with the assets you’ve agreed. So if your portion of assets split in monetary terms is higher than value of that house, you may be able to negotiate that with your partner that you keep that assets without selling it. It just depends on how numbers stack up.
a business is more difficult- likely you will need to use specialist financial auditors to assess values unless you’ve both got a good handle on that and both feel you trust each other wih financial disclosure about this. I think this is still summarised on D81 as I remember, but we didn’t have business so ignored this bit.
the other asset you’ve not mentioned is pensions- they need to be listed as assets and considered in the split as well.

my best advice is to understand the criteria the court uses and the process first. Both of you. Set realistic expectation that blame or previous behaviour has no part to play in how future financial agreements are settled. And therefore try to park any anger, bitterness and resentment you have until youve got the consent order thrashed out and with solicitor for writing into formal draft. If you can’t agree amicably it will take longer, cost you a lost more especially if you have to go to mediation or god forbid ask the court to decide. Solicitors cost around £200-250 per hour and that includes every second you are talking to them explaining how awful the situation is, every second they’re answering questions you could find answers to on line, and double that for every minute both of you have both your solicitors trying to negotiate on your behalves. Bills will quickly mount up.
Stay pragmatic, stay realistic. Stay calm and polite. You can do your raging later when you have the agreement sorted.

Link appears to not work
try this or just search under AdviceNow divorce
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer#guideAccordians

And this guide may be useful as well
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-sorting-out-your-finances-when-you-get-divorced

Oh should have said, I used the Advice Now guides on divorce process Itslef as well as ones I sent. I petitioned in early April last year. Was divorced (decree final) by end June last year with consent order sealed by court at same time
the whole legal bill for both of us came in at £1700 inc vat.

. The Gov divorce site where you get forms and petition is excellent and very easy to understand. I know from MN posts here that some courts are having backlogs and difficulties. Mine went via Birmingham and was incredibly quick and efficient.