If you were to draw up a coparenting agreement for teenage children…

[DivorcedBedraggledAndFried]

... what kinds of things would you think is reasonable to have/expect in such an agreement?

Looking for your ‘wish I’d thought to include that’s and your ‘this worked well for us’s.

(Quick background - no-blame separation, teens split their time 50/50 with both parents. Nothing in writing to date. But some instances creeping in of discrepancies between what's agreed verbally regarding parenting, and then what's actually happening. There is also a new partner on the scene for one parent.)

By the time ds was a teenager he decided when he wanted to go to his dad's or not, it wasn't my decision.

Wouldn’t really have any plan
at that age the kids should pretty much decide, and will want to fit around school work, sports, friends etv
would expect loose arrangements and flexibility

Sorry, I’ve probably not been very clear. I meant really about coming to a common agreement on how / why / when the parents communicate on matters of parenting. So - E.g. issues about their health and well-being, how they’re getting on in terms of education, etc. So it’s not about when they’re with who, it’s more about what’s reasonable to expect and provide in terms of communication/consistency of parenting approaches.

Giving this a selfish little bump as I'm genuinely keen for tips and experiences on how parents make it work. Again, it's not about who lives where but what's reasonable to offer and expect re communication, matters of parenting etc. thanks.

If you have problems with dates and appointments being shared then use a parenting app. My stepson has a learning disability which means he forgets important details. We used texts to update because he wouldn’t. But that was something he was aware of.

Otherwise as teenagers, they can communicate most practical things about their day to day lives, including health or school work.

But essentially you cannot suggest or impose a parenting style or approach. Its something you may negotiate and agree if you are both willing. And then, you have the added hurdle of getting teens on board with it. Who now have increasing agency in their lives. They may have asked for that agency and autonomy from their father. Who agreed to give it and if so then you will probably have to live with it.

One thing that can be forgotten about is that teens often want to spend their leisure time with their friends/doing activities- not hanging out with their parents. This is fine if both parents live close together. But if one moves a bit further away it can cause tension if the teenager has to forego a party or something because it’s their weekend to go to the further away parent’s home. If one parent chooses to move they need to be prepared to do quite a bit of driving to get the teen to training/matches/social events if they want them to stay over at weekends