My husband is gay.

[carolmarie72]

I've suspected for a while now that my husband might be gay. In an argument a few weeks ago he admitted to it when I confronted him for being distant in our marriage. We've decided it would be best to separate, as our kids are 17 and 18. However, I feel extremely lost and almost like I've been lied to for my entire marriage, even though I'm trying to support him in his decision. Am I wrong to be hurting like this? Like I turned him away?

You're not wrong at all. It's a horrible shock and a massive loss.

You have been lied to though - your whole marriage has basically been a sham. Your husband is gay and still married you, if he knew he was, or thought he might be, or was not at all sure what he was then he shouldn't have married you. You were basically a front. I've been through similar and it's shit, he's basically wasted both of your time.

You feel you should support him? Your surname's not Schofield is it? I mean i'm sure it suits him very well but I think you need to start putting yourself first. Of course you're hurt, he's used you and treated you badly (by being constantly distant while you had no idea why), he's lied and deceived you and strung you along knowing he's not really into you.

As you can probably tell I was a lot angrier that you when I found out. My advice is stop catering to his needs, let him sort his own shit out. He's never put your first so now it's time for you to start putting yourself first.

Sorry Op, hard pill to swallow after so many years. Why do you feel the need to support him though? Who will support you? You're hurting and like PP said you need to put yourself first.

Judging by the news in the past few months you are not alone in your discovery. Others have gone through this too but more publicly and perhaps they knew before marriage.
But it's a shock for you. I do hope things are working out ok for you.

This happened to one of my friends but her 2 boys were 13 and 11. She said they stopped having sex after her second child was born and only had sex occasionally before. She felt cheated for a long time but she's moved on now.

I'm assuming he knows he's gay because he's had sex with another man?

So, regardless of sexuality, what you're saying is that your marriage ended because he cheated on you?

You have every right to feel sad that your husband is a liar and a cheat, regardless of whether he cheated with a man or a woman.

The fact that his sexuality has probably caused other problems (distance, lack of physical affection?) in your marriage is an added blow.

Don't let the fact that he's gay make you feel sorry for him; you wouldn't feel sorry for a heterosexual cheater would you?

I don’t have any experience in this op but just wanted to say you don’t have to support him. You’re allowed to be angry. It’s understandable that you’ll have many feelings including being lost or like you’ve been used.
Put yourself and your children first.

He is a liar and cheat. You have absolutely no obligation to support him just because he is shagging men not women. Grieve, hold your head high and pack his bags!