Childcare for a cabin crew ex

[Jodiebrighton]

Any BA cabin crew staff here? I have questions around bidding for flights.

My ex who broke up with me in dec started as cabin crew in March this year. I have the first rota for may and it's terrible for our 2 kids both under 8. I want to know about flight bidding and rota control as based on us living apart in new places in may, the kids rota with each parent would be.....
2 days with me
3 with him
5 me
2 him
4 me
1 him
5 me
2 him
4 me
2 him
3 me
2 him

23 days to me and 12 to him. He hasn't worked out the days yet but we have joint mediation tomorrow and he wants 50/50 and me and the kids follow his rota that changes monthly. I also work full time. 50% at home:

To make matters worse it seems there was someone else and they have been a couple since a week after he ended things with me. Just found this out 2 days ago.

Question above about cabin crew rota bidding plus any advice for the joint mediation other to make sure I'm putting the kids first?

I don't know anything about cabin crew rotas but if you're going to need to use childcare some days of the week I imagine it will be difficult to be that flexible? It might be more realistic to say the children will be available for contact on certain (fixed) days and he then does his best to arrange his rotas around those. I have no idea if that's possible though.

What would you like to happen? What do you think would be in your DC's best interest?

I Agree with @mocktail here. The situation you have shown seems incredibly complicated. Just offer certain days and then it's up to him to work around it.

Bidding all comes down to seniority, which is primarily determined by length of service. You can only find out for certain if you can see his contract.

I'm not UK based but work in aviation (commercial side). For us, anyone with a length of service under 15 years is considered junior due to a long serving workforce. Our most senior crew have first rights to bid then rolls down (there are some changes depending on specific contracts).

So a crew member working for 5 years has limited choice for bidding as anyone with seniority over 5 years has first choice.

What were your childcare and access arrangements up until he started his new job? Are both your children of school age?

Are you the poster whose Cabin Crew ex hid both kids' passports??

In response to your last post on your previous thread -

NCDV will arrange a Solicitor free of charge for you under the Legal Aid Domestic Abuse gateway. Please get out of that house and call NCDV to get an emergency Prohibited Steps Order. Tell them you have reason to believe he's going to leave the country with your children and not return. That he is abusive and you need a Prohibited Steps Order ASAP. They'll have you a FREE solicitor within the hour

That's me. Still fighting that one

Thank you. I'll follow up on this. We had 90 mins joint mediation today and got nowhere. The mediatior asked if me and the kids could follow the rota and I said no as they are constantly moving ever few days and it's different every week. I said I'll do 5 on/5off, or 6 and 6 or 7 and 7. He said none of them work for him as he would have to get a stranger to have them if he is working his week and that's not good for the kids.

He has also booked all his holiday up for this year in this new job and none of these days off are in the remaining school holidays. So I'm going to have to use my holidays from work to have them. I asked to book my weeks now and he said he won't know he shifts until 2 weeks before the months the school holidays are in so that won't work for him. He says he can't change jobs as no other Rotas at previous jobs work for him. We have more mediation now but it's now for us to find. £300 for 90 mins!

If he has been abusive towards you then you can have mediation signed off as unsuitable and head straight to court.

He was with the OW before he left you!

Him finding and paying for childcare when he has them is his problem and not a reason for shared residency to be worked around his rota at the detriment to the DC.

Not abusive physically but emotionally said he would take the kids if didn't agree to his Rota. Took the kids passports, took money from the joint account for no reason. Asked me to leave the house on the days hen didn't work so he could have the kids here. At this point it's now clear when he stayed out overnight it was at his new woman's. It seems there relationship started 10'days after he left me.

It the child care demands are infuriating. There is no way other than his way. Even days when he returns from a flight at 11 am and wants to sleep for 3 hours. He wants the kids when he is up for his day even if I've had them at it's weekend.

Taking his holidays already for the year was pure selfish. Not one of them in the kids school holidays.

I don't see us getting anywhere unless it's perfectly in line with his rota. Maybe I should just admit it's court time and say his rota doesn't work for the kids or me

It is definitely court time I think - no other choice.

Get it all down in writing etc including holidays

You arent going to get anywhere with him