Phone calls during 'your days'?

[blue30]

Not sure if this is the right place for this so apologies but here goes.

It's kind of an AIBU.

I have DD (7) 3 days a week. After 4 years, ex has now started facetiming every friday evening to speak to DD and it's kind of a pain in the ass. We're almost always doing something or in the bedtime routine.

Ex was controlling and a bit of a bully and it feels like she's reaching into my life again. Contact with ex stresses me out as she's volatile and agressive with me.

DD doesn't seem to mention or particularly look forward to the calls but does engage with them during. In my opinion they unsettle her a little bit in terms of the transition, she's usually settled and the call seems to throw her off a bit to me.

Should I tell her to do one or what?

I think you need to ask your DD. My 7yo knows when he wants to talk to his dad and when not. Neither of us would pressure the dc into unwanted phone calls. My daughter will chatter on about anything any time but my son will just not talk if he doesn't feel like it, so maybe you can both be led by what your dd prefers.

Do you contact dd when she is with your ex?

What is the usual pattern of phone contact in between visits?

My dc (well, in reality my eldest, as 5e other 2 don’t want to speak) phone exH every day when they are with me. They don’t always phone me when they are with him, but I have usually seen them each day anyway, and if I hadn’t, they would phone/FaceTime me.

Is it the thought of any contact between dd and her mum that is the problem, or could you fix a time that would work? The daily phone call does sometimes get in the way here, but it’s not for me, it’s for my dc, and so I find a way to make it work (FWIW, exH was controlling and abusive during our marriage, so I do know how stressful contact can be)

Thanks for the replies. I don't know what's normal and friends might just tell me what I want to hear.

It's the fact that it always seems to be a bad time combined with how much contact with ex stresses me out, in terms of making arrangements about these little things. She has no concept of boundaries and does not react well do the word no. I guess I feel very protective over my time with DD too.

Has she provided your daughter with her own phone?

I’m afraid you aren’t going to resolve this without putting your child in the middle of it. Which is what your ex wants. Don’t react to this.

If it unsettles her, then plan to do something nice with her afterwards. I don’t know her to make suggestions but you do. Ask he what she would like to do to make Friday night special. Make it a happy bonding experience. It will take her mind off the call and refocused into happy time with you.

No. Its only for a short time on one of your evenings with dd. Why make it into a big issue?