Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Does this mean it's over?

29 replies

Fuzzyhippo · 13/04/2022 21:22

Been together 7 years this October, but don't live together and no ties. His phone has been off for 2 days and I went round his this morning and he wasn't there. We've been having a really bad time in the relationship recently. He's been turning his phone off at night most nights now but it's never been for this long. When he does text back the next day he says it died and that he was too busy to charge it. After 7 years I would've hoped I'd hear from him more often, but I don't think I'll ever get the closure I need now. Probably just being over dramatic but I'm hurting and I know I won't get any sleep tonight..

OP posts:
Marchmount · 13/04/2022 21:24

Why have you been having a bad time and why do you have no ties after 7 years? It does seem like he’s opted out but it doesn’t sound like the healthiest relationship anyway. What do you want from this?

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 13/04/2022 21:33

@Marchmount

Why have you been having a bad time and why do you have no ties after 7 years? It does seem like he’s opted out but it doesn’t sound like the healthiest relationship anyway. What do you want from this?
I've been trying to understand what he wants from me as he isn't ready for any kind of commitment. He won't even go away for a night somewhere, never has done. I explained that I wanted more from him and he says I'm rushing into things. Then one night I broke down and cried, he had a go saying I was keeping him awake and had his back turned to me. Ever since then it seems whatever I do or say is wrong and I have to be careful, as if I say something he doesn't like he'd turn his phone off. I was a complete idiot and thought maybe one day he'd change his mind and realise he wanted me in his life. That's why it's lasted for so long. I think he was just waiting for me to leave so he didn't have to and kept pushing me to leave then the next day he'd want me back again. I just don't understand what's going on I feel so mentally unstable at the moment Sad
OP posts:
bluedomino · 13/04/2022 21:59

You will be better off without this man. He's too much of a coward to tell you it's over for him. After 7 years he should at least have enough respect for you to tell you he wants out. Please don't allow him to treat you like this, you deserve more. You are not being unreasonable to expect nights away and some commitment after the length of time you have been together. I bet he doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Get some counselling and work on your self esteem. Stop waiting for crumbs of attention/affection from this cruel man. No wonder you feel mentally unstable as he's emotionally abusing you. Leave him and watch your life improve.

ImInStealthMode · 13/04/2022 22:02

I don't mean to sound harsh but after 7 years and with no ties to each other at all it doesn't sound like it ever really began.

Take this most recent silence as a gift, block his number and move on with your life. You deserve better than chasing the shadows of a relationship.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 14/04/2022 12:50

I called him this morning and he answered with "what do you want?". I asked if he'd moved on because that's all I need to know I just need the closure. He said "whatever" and hung up and turned his phone off again. This is actually destroying me, I didn't get a single bit of sleep night and I feel physically unwell..

OP posts:
2orangey · 14/04/2022 12:56

He sounds vile. My heart goes out to you - what an awful way to be treated by someone you've cared about for so long.

There isn’t much point in trying to contact him again. He doesn't deserve to speak to you to be honest. Please do try and concentrate on looking after yourself. I hope there is someone in real life that you can talk to for support.

FelicityPike · 14/04/2022 13:05

Well he’s a prince!
If he has any belongings at yours, shove them (carefully) into a box & put them on his doorstep.
Text him you’ve done so…..not your fault if he doesn’t read the text.
Dickhead.

MermaidEyes · 14/04/2022 13:12

Why are you waiting for him to tell you he's moved on?! You tell him that you've moved on, and end it now before you waste another 7 years. I'll be honest, I'm struggling to understand how you've put up with a man for this long who won't even go away for one night together. I'd have been gone within months. You deserve much, much better than this waste of space.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 14/04/2022 13:13

@FelicityPike

Well he’s a prince! If he has any belongings at yours, shove them (carefully) into a box & put them on his doorstep. Text him you’ve done so…..not your fault if he doesn’t read the text. Dickhead.
Luckily no, he's never actually been round mine and I have nothing of mine at his apart from a pillow. Deep down I knew there was someone else, the gut feelings started around 2 years ago when he started texting and liking photos of young 18-19yr old girls. He also blocked me on Instagram but accused me of the one blocking him Hmm His reply this morning probably proved my suspicions were probably right. I don't have any support in real life, my family say he'll be back and that I should give him space but why would I want him back after what he's done? They all say I'm needy, but I was fine seeing him once a week when and if he chose to let me see him. I avoided bothering him during the day as much as possible as he usually only texted me after 9pm when he was going to bed. I might go to the drs and ask for something to help me sleep
OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 14/04/2022 13:15

Why on EARTH would you want him back? 😳

Calafsidentity · 14/04/2022 13:27

Oh please don't listen to your family op. They are imho very wrong to lead you to believe that he'll be back. What are they thinking? I really don't think they have your best interests in mind here. And as you say, do you really want him back given how he has treated you?

You say "but I was fine seeing him once a week when and if he chose to let me see him."

Why are you letting him make all the decisions for the two of you?
Why are you putting up with the few small crumbs he is throwing you?
Do you sleep with him once a week? If so, sorry to be blunt, but he is basically using you for sex and nothing else.

This isn't love op! Wake up as and run! You are strong enough. Block him on all social media, harden your heart to him, grey rock, hold your head and go and lead your best life without this hideous disrespectful man holding you back Flowers

MermaidEyes · 14/04/2022 14:25

You think you've heard it all, and then you read the updates 🙄

RenegadeMrs · 14/04/2022 14:36

Run for the hills. From him and from your family who think seeing someone you are in a relationship with more than once a week is 'needy'.

Please also go see a therapist who can put you straight on what a healthy relationship look like, and address your apparent chronic lack of self esteem.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 14/04/2022 14:47

@MermaidEyes

You think you've heard it all, and then you read the updates 🙄
No need to be so rude..
OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 14/04/2022 15:00

No need to be so rude..

I'm sorry, but I'll be honest here...I'm struggling to believe this is real...he's never once been to your house, in 7 years? And all you have at his is a pillow? And you've been happy to see him once a week, for 7 years...and only then if he allows it? And you're too scared to disturb him so don't text him but wait for him to message you, after 9pm?!

If it is real, then as a pp said, you need to dump him now and work on your shockingly low self esteem.

Marchmount · 14/04/2022 15:05

This sounds like a friends with benefits situation except he is an asshole who treats you appallingly. Why are you so invested in him when it’s not going anywhere? This isn’t a relationship and I’m staggered your family are not telling you to ditch him ASAP. Is there other stuff going on in your life/ family which would explain your acceptance of such dismissive and cruel treatment?

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 14/04/2022 15:10

@MermaidEyes

No need to be so rude..

I'm sorry, but I'll be honest here...I'm struggling to believe this is real...he's never once been to your house, in 7 years? And all you have at his is a pillow? And you've been happy to see him once a week, for 7 years...and only then if he allows it? And you're too scared to disturb him so don't text him but wait for him to message you, after 9pm?!

If it is real, then as a pp said, you need to dump him now and work on your shockingly low self esteem.

It's my first relationship and I still live at home, I'm only in my mid 20s so it's not like I'm short on time to settle. That's probably why I've allowed it to go on for so long
OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 14/04/2022 15:31

I don't think settling has anything to do with it, you can have several relationships without thinking they're going to be 'the one'. It's more about letting yourself be treated like a piece of garbage when you are in a relationship. If you don't stand up for yourself against shitty men, no one else will. And if you don't learn early enough what a healthy relationship looks like, you'll waste your life away being with men who think it's acceptable to treat you like crap.

RenegadeMrs · 14/04/2022 16:07

Just out of curiousity, how old is he OP?

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 14/04/2022 16:41

@RenegadeMrs

Just out of curiousity, how old is he OP?
He's 34 I'm embarrassed to say, certainly doesn't act like it
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/04/2022 16:48

He has done you the biggest favour of your life. Sadly, you have wasted the last 7 years of your life on this man. You really need to figure out why you allowed yourself to be so taken advantaged of, for so unbelievably long. I fear you have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like. So the Freedom Programme, read some self-help books, get therapy if you can.

RenegadeMrs · 14/04/2022 16:54

Ok, again, run to the hills. I'm so sorry to say this but I think you have been totally used and you are best off far far away from him.

He was 27 when you got together and I'm guessing you were 18ish? And now he is texting 18 year olds again? There is a pattern there and it isn't a good one.

Please take some time to regroup and (if you want a relationship) find someone who actually loves you and is excited to spend time with you. Someone who will see you during the day as an absolute minimum! You shouldn't have to do with the scraps this idiot gives you.

Even if some how he doesn't think it's over, please make the decision that it is. Take back the power in this pairing and end it with confidence and authority. Block his number, have an massive cry if you are sad, but then move on. He's really really really not worth any more of your time.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/04/2022 20:16

Fuck me 34!

Your so young and it all slots into place when you meet someone who loves you as much as you love them.

springtimeishereagain · 14/04/2022 22:28

Christ! Decide what to want, and runs with him, Sri waiting around for crumbs of affection, which won't come from him. He sounds awful! And after seven years, he's not been round to yours????

Do the Freedom Programme so you can expect more in future relationships.

Primtemps · 15/04/2022 08:56

OP, I'm not going to judge as I have definitely been there. In my teens and 20s I would, and did, have this kind of situation.

The only thing I wish I could have known then is that when a guy comes along who is really looking for a close relationship, who really likes you and respects you enough - they will contact you and they will let you know.

They will not want to risk you by playing games or blanking you. They will just be nice a respectful and make plans and try.

This guy isn't trying for you and its his cowardly way of showing you that this relationship doesn't have legs.

NOW, once you decide to fully move on, this may piss him off and he may try and reignite. So hard to deal with. But just take it slowly and really really consider what he is like. Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread