decree nisi today - divorcing an abuser

[lululongdog]

Good news re the paperwork, but my heart also sank when I read it. I know I have to be done with him, I know it's the right thing to do but it is so, so difficult. Why he couldn't have got help for his behaviour I don't know...obviously we aren't worth that much effort. God I'm sad.

How is your relationship now. Do you have to see him/have any contact?

If so can you minimise it.

It's fine to be sad about it not working out but I bet your remembering the good bits.

Understand the bad bits have brought you to this point.

Doesn't sound like he can change because of he could you wouldn't be here now.

Don't know how bad it was op but your divorcing because it was bad enough.

Be kind to yourself.

Xx

Thank you @sophienelisse, I am really struggling I have to see him regularly because of the DC (primary age) but I need to think how to minimise it you are right it’s just how to do it without hurting the kids any more than has been done already. My head is just all over the place thinking was it that bad , did I imagine it, did I make it happen, am I doing the right thing? How can I hate him and miss him at the same time? I long to hold his hand, but the thought of anything more intimate is unimaginable. I am so angry at the mess he has made of us and that he won’t even try to get help, he is playing victim to anyone who’ll listen and it is tearing me to pieces but I have to be strong for my beautiful DC, and I have to let them see him even though I wish they didn’t want to. I am remembering the good bits you are right, and that’s what’s hurting, losing who I thought he was …

I was in that place for a bit too.

It does take a while to get over and I put up with all kinds.

Financial abuse.

He'd blank me for weeks and I mean not even look at me. Not utter a word. Disappear for days on end.

I think it took my next relationship now my DH who is the opposite to reset my mind and realise he was a twat. He had to put up with me aswell as I just couldn't see the hood without looking for an ulterior motive.

I think my ex covered up his true personality for years. Broke me down gradually then I just woke up to it all like you have.

Just be kind to youself. I got a lot of support and advice on here at the time.