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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Advice for my DB

9 replies

FragileConsequence · 08/04/2022 01:16

My DB's wife has told him the marriage is over. She has told their children (16, 12) that he will be 'leaving soon'. Apparently she 'hasn't felt the same about him' for a long time. No idea if someone new is on the horizon.

She works part-time as a nurse. He manages a shop (I don't know his salary) fulltime. There is about 50k equity in their house. They've been together 17 years but married only about 4/5.

He thinks she has debts (eg 20k). No idea about their pensions. She has told him it's the 'family home' and so she can't be expected to leave it.

He's seeing a solicitor soon but I think he needs to go in armed with the right info/questions and I know very little about the practicalities of divorce.

He's very concerned about how much he's obliged to pay her, and whether he'll be able to afford anywhere of his own after. Ideally he'd have his half of the equity from the house, if not he wants to be able to rent at least a two-bed place. But of course he wants to make sure the kids are looked after.

She can't afford to buy him out, and there's no way she will agree to leave, so I think she'd be in the house until the youngest is 18. If he pays half the mortgage, what happens if she doesn't pay her half?
Would a court expect him to pay the full mortgage PLUS maintenance? He often works til late due to the nature of his work so it is not really practical for him to take the kids more than a few days a week, though he's willing to.

He could probably buy her out/remortgage, but there's no way she will agree to it. Would a court ever order a sale in these circumstances?

If they need to go to mediation, is it very expensive?

At the moment he wants to stay in the house until he's had proper advice but she is clearly expecting him to leave and yet pay for it all. And yes, I'm aware I don't know the story from her side, but this is how it seems on the surface.

Really sorry for all the Qs, I'm just so ignorant of the next steps.

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 08/04/2022 01:38

This reply has been deleted

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FragileConsequence · 08/04/2022 09:34

Actually, my brother and I rarely speak. Over the years he has lost touch with all his friends and family. He’s very isolated. He asked me for help because he doesn’t know the next steps. I’m really worried about him and if I can say to him ‘you should ask the solicitor x, y, z, it might help. He’s absolutely reeling. This was all out of the blue.

I find this a really odd response. I’ve asked for advice, and what his options might be. That’s literally it. How does that make me involved? I admit above I only know surface details.

If everyone agrees that I’m awful for asking for advice, I’ll ask the thread to be pulled.

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 08/04/2022 09:46

If the kids are 12 & 16 she can work FT & she will be expected to maximise her income.

Courts have an obligation to consider look a clean break where possible and she can be expected to leave the family home.

She can’t afford to but him out. If she doesn’t agree to leave the court can order it. Both parents have to have ‘suitable accommodation’ to house the children in. If she does stay in the house (and get a Mesher order) she will be expected to pay the mortgage in full, the maintainable & upkeep of the property. If she doesn’t pay there is usually a clause in the consent order to indemnify him.

Your brother needs to get a solicitor. There aren’t many assets by the sound of things - mediation would be ideal (and cheaper).

AnotherForumUser · 08/04/2022 09:50

Agree with NorthernSpirit. Sent you a PM.

FragileConsequence · 08/04/2022 10:02

Thank you - it’s really appreciated.

Do you think it’s at all possible they would be able to negotiate this themselves? So far she is just ignoring him at home, so not a good sign.

OP posts:
FragileConsequence · 08/04/2022 10:16

I suppose what confuses me is that she can’t afford to buy him out, but the mortgage is lower than local rents so it probably would make sense to a court etc for her to stay (maybe?). But if she doesn’t buy him out he’ll be stuck on that mortgage and then unable to get another one?

Argh I don’t know how anyone can afford to get divorced!

OP posts:
millymolls · 08/04/2022 12:08

Agree with northern spirit
I’d also be advising him not to move out
He dies not have to and she has no more right to stay then he does
There is no automatic right to remain in the house until children are 18.
What the settlement will look like will depend on assets and incomes but she’ll be expected to work rather than try a claim for spousal.
The length of relationship will be considered here rather than just the marriage

SummerInSun · 08/04/2022 15:39

He absolutely must not try to sort this out without a solicitor. That doesn't mean it has to be a horrible nasty adversarial process, a good solicitor will be able to help them sort things amicably if he and his soon to be X both play ball. But he needs to understand what they are both entitled to and how a court would likely look at it.

waterSpider · 08/04/2022 17:50

30+ years ago he would have been screwed, and ended up paying a lot and getting little. That also means that anyone advising her, based on old experience, will be mistaken.

Agree with above advice -- and, in particular, to remain in the home and not move out.

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