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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband affair - Divorce looming - Money

9 replies

Pops0216 · 05/04/2022 20:47

Hi all, looking for advice Hmm

My husband of 14yrs had an affair on a work trip - it's so embarrassingly text-book - and after I found out has left me and 2 DD (8 &12) for said woman.

Main issue is that this is in the USA.
Jan & Feb he spent 4wks there, saying he was coming back, playing me, and then end Feb decided to go & we've not seen him since.
So 5+wks now since DD have sen him.

He won't commit to telling me what his plans are, or when he's coming to the UK to see his kids.

He has done this before (I'm a fool and should have known he'd do it again) and left a child 15yrs ago with Ex-Wife #1 in Japan.

We are 50/50 partners on a Ltd company (it's mainly just a vehicle for him to get paid) but we take a very large amount each month of small salary's (tax purposes) and large dividend.

Divorce is starting, it's very acrimonious.

I haven't worked since kids, allowing him to grow his career - feel like I've been kicked in the teeth by him tbh.

Where do I stand?
My 8yr old has SEN. She isn't coping well.

It's a minefield.
Any advice on what I should be doing would be hugely appreciated
Thanks you so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
Pops0216 · 06/04/2022 17:23

Bumping x

OP posts:
zgirldreamsoftulum · 06/04/2022 23:02

Hi, don't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're in this position, no one should have to deal with this.
It sounds as though you're very financially vulnerable. Are you a director of the company? Can you take legal advice on freezing any assets etc. if he's gone awol?

It's devastating and you'll be really shocked but you may need to act quickly.
Sending you Thanks

Original poster
Pops0216 · 09/04/2022 08:09

Thank you so much for your response Halo
Yes I'm an equal director of the business - My solicitor has warned him that he needs to keep the status quo in terms of finances whilst the divorce is progressing so that's at least something.

I just need to know my options I guess.

I just feel like our (myself and the girls) life has been turned upside down - it's so scary.
Life wasn't bad. At all.

But I guess it says everything about him as a person Hmm

OP posts:
zgirldreamsoftulum · 09/04/2022 17:38

Good to hear you're taking advice. Hope you have someone sensible.

wakeupandshakeup · 10/04/2022 09:59

I'm in a similar situation and have been advised to get a forensic accountant as money is likely to have been hidden outside the marriage ..! My H came back home and tried to pretend to fix it all whilst still keeping the OW in her country. It's a mess and like you I'm tangled into the business and not worked properly for many years. Sidelined my career to look after our children (both SEN) and now I'm likely to be stuffed. Thing is.. I don't care anymore. He can do as he pleases he's not the man I married, like you I'm scared about the future but day by day things will get better! Sending you hugs xx

Original poster
Pops0216 · 10/04/2022 10:48

Oh god @wakeupandshakeup it's awful isn't it.... I honestly feel like I don't know who this man is that I married.
Same as you, I don't care about him anymore - And I'm so glad, because if I did I don't know how I'd be functioning. At least my head is screwed on, and I'm just so let down for my girls. I hate what he has done to them & the rejection he has caused them.
A forensic accountant - interesting - I'll speak to my solicitor about it - although I have been very involved in the business, it's just now he won't allow me access to accounts. Horrible man.
If you want to chat off here let me know x

OP posts:
skeemee · 10/04/2022 11:03

If you are a director of Ltd company, I’m pretty sure you are legally entitled to have oversight of the banking. If you are already a signatory on the accounts, register for online access. If you are with NatWest or rbs they provide free software called FreeAgent, which is amazing for analysing business spending. Good luck!

wakeupandshakeup · 10/04/2022 11:10

Same, no access to finances - this however was standard throughout our 11 yr marriage and I naively just took care of the kids. You are liable as a director (same for me) so not being able to have an oversight of the finances is not acceptable. Hence the reason I was advised about the forensic accountant. I actually couldn't give a fig about his money, like you say it's the disappointment for the children! I'll never trust another living soul 😕 sad but true.

Original poster
Pops0216 · 10/04/2022 13:50

@skeemee even though I've been an equal partner on the business for the last 13/14yrs, and have done all the banking, I've never been named on the actual bank account.
No other reason than, never got round to it.
So business account is in the Company Name with him as Name on it - I just had all the details and used a money-key device to log-on.
Obvs that appears to have gone missing Sad
Am at a loss of what to next really x

OP posts:
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