How do you afford it?

[lookingtoleave]

DH and I have 2 young children and have just found out we are expecting a third, DH is furious and wants to terminate. I have always been honest that abortion is never an option for me. He's said is my decision but I don't see how our marriage can survive this, not long term.

My main concern is that I am not financially stable, so I don't know how I'd manage to pay rent, bills and buy food.

Can anyone that's been in a similar situation regarding finances gives me any advice?

Title should be ' how do you afford it?'

So he was using contraception I assume, as he’s so furious ?
You’d need to speak to a solicitor for personal advice, you can usually get a free first chat so ring around.
And ask your MW/HV for help.
It only matters if you actually split though, DH might come round to it yet.

Yes we were using contraception.
Thank you for the advice.
I'm going to try and give it time as I know my hormones are all over the place at the moment, but I can't get past him wanting to kill our baby, no matter how unexpected.

I'm so sorry OP that's really hard and upsetting. Can you explain why he's so adamant about it - are you stretched financially or having other issues in the marriage?

Re how people manage the courts usually take the view that all assets (less debts) are split equally. So the house (if you own it) pensions and savings less any outstanding mortgages and debts. Usually this involves selling the house to give each money to get a new smaller place. Pensions need to be valued and given an estimated final value. You will both be worse off because you will need to provide 2 houses with suitable accommodation for the kids rather than a single one from both incomes.

Then you would look at where the kids are going to live. If they split the time 50:50 then no child support is paid but if they were to live majoritively with you then he would be expected to pay child support on a CSA basis ( based on the proportionate number of nights per week). He might also be required to pay spousal support to you if you earn considerably less than him but nowadays the courts prefer to take that into account in a full and final settlement, you are expected to maximise your earnings into the future.

What you should do is get legal advice - quite a few solicitors give a first free session. This is very important. Do not go to mediation as it's does not start with what's expected by law but what each are prepared to put on the table.

That's my belief. It's taking something that has a heart beat, and ending it. I don't see how else it can be put!

@AuntieMarys

It's not " killing your baby". Stop being so dramatic.

Jesus! She is entitled to think how she wishes about her babies and pregnancy.

@AuntieMarys

It's not " killing your baby". Stop being so dramatic.

Go away. If that's how she feels that's how it is

@AuntieMarys

It's not " killing your baby". Stop being so dramatic.

@AuntieMarys How bloody offensive. Not everyone in the world has your view on these situations. The op is perfectly entitled to see abortion as Killing their baby. If you don't like this, move to another thread.

@lookingtoleave
I think that you need to be honest with him, that if this is his stance and he cannot move on from it, that he is probably condemning your relationship and family to splitting and separated children, for whom he shall be expected to maintain.
You will manage as a lone parent if that's the path that you follow.

Many can't afford it, but it's about more than that and having to get away to start again somewhere. So either you do counselling to see if you can get through this or split up and go your separate ways.

Assets are very often not split equally
They are split fairly in the eyes of the law - which causes problems as people usually disagree with the outcome of ‘fair’

OP he’s perfectly entitled to not want a 3rd
Perhaps he’s concerned about finances/impact to existing children/additional responsibilities etc and that’s ok as us suggesting you both think about other options
You both need to discuss but ultimately it comes down to your choice