Any advice welcome!

[Inneriago]

Good evening!

Really just looking for some advice because I'm completely confused!

My husband left me in January after refusing to leave his mistress who he had been seeing on and off for 7 years. It all started just after I had my twins which caused me quite a lot of psychological damage as well as emotional and mental.

At the time we had just bought a house. We lived in a flat that was bought by me and my father. He had paid a minimal rent to my father. The flat sold and I had approx £100, 000. This money was used for the deposit on our house (£60, 000) and then a new kitchen and windows and electrical work. This was all used on the house. On top of that we decided that I would change from full time to a job share situation which was obviously part time so that I could look after the kids and have more family time.

Now that he has left he wants to sell the house as he doesn't want to stay on his friends sofa anymore. He said that he will only give me 50/50 on the equity and is not happy that I said he needs to split his pension 50/50 also. He says that I may have put more money in but he has paid the majority of the bills in the rime we have been in the house. I paid over half of my wages for the mortgage and money towards bills etc. When we have remortgaged previously, we both agreed on loans. But his loans were way more than mine. My debt probably totalled 12k and his was definitely more. We bought for £369k and we now have a mortgage of £356k.... So only paid off £13k in 7 years???? I know that the most recent re-mortgage left £30k in our bank of which I only got £7k...... He told me that he has paid for everything in the marriage etc etc so he doesn't owe me anything for the money I put into the house. As far as I can now make out, I am now paying half of all of those payments he has made as well as putting in all of the initial money? So he has no comeback but am I wrong? He has also called me a money grabber and that as I have money coming to me I shouldn't be so greedy.... He means an inheritance when my parents die. So that's nice....

I obviously lost money in wages and also money on my pension in those 7 years but he cannot see it any other way than his way.... I don't know what to do... Any advice gratefully received as he makes me think I'm crazy and selfish.... Coercive control etc etc....

See a solicitor asap. Hit the bastard where it hurts in his pocket.

See a solicitor
It’s not up to your ex to decide what you are due
The law will look at ( among other things)

Ages
Length of marriage
Earrings and potential future earnings
Total assets and liabilities in the pot
Ages of children
Child arrangements
The financial needs of each party and ability to meet this

They will aim for. Clean break but if this cannot be reached will also consider mesher orders and spousal maintenance in some circumstances

See a solicitor, and gather any evidence/receipts of what you put into the house.

Inheritance won't come into it. Not guaranteed anyway.

@Yoohoo778611

See a solicitor asap. Hit the bastard where it hurts in his pocket.

Shit advice. Please stop encouraging people to be acrimonious. It’ll just rack up bills for both of them at £200 per hour for every single second of time a solicitor spends thinking about your issues. It will hurt the poster just as much financially and by stress it will cause.

Op, please ignore this.

@millymolls

See a solicitor It’s not up to your ex to decide what you are due The law will look at ( among other things)

Ages
Length of marriage
Earrings and potential future earnings
Total assets and liabilities in the pot
Ages of children
Child arrangements
The financial needs of each party and ability to meet this

They will aim for. Clean break but if this cannot be reached will also consider mesher orders and spousal maintenance in some circumstances

Milly molls is spot on (again! 👋)

Part of the process is your financial declarations - these are a legal requirement, forms E and D81 at minimum if you go consent order route.

These list out item by item your assets and debts on both sides. You’ll have to include house valuation and pension valuations.
Only nice you know hat you have will you be able to know what you will get based on the 10 or so criteria molly refers to here.

Unfortunately you will need to accept, as shit as it is, that you will BOTH be worse off as a result of divorce. It doesn’t matter who put what into the matrimonial assets, except in a few cases outlined by the 10 or so criteria, they are regarded as joint assets by the courts,
It doesn’t matter who is at fault, who to blame, or behaviour. This has no bearing at all on financial agreements. The court, even in a full hearing, will not take even unreasonable behaviour (where this was reason petitioned for under old law) even in cases of abuse. Literally only if someone will benefit from illegal actions.

So unfortunately, delisted people saying “take him to court” “ get vengeance “ types of messages, no matter how long, or how much you spend on legal advice, you’ll still have to bit a difficult bullet

I know it’s painful- been there. I remember being terrified and upset this time last year when I found this out form this board, but the advice I had then was spot on. Park the anger. Inform yourself to understand what your likely position will be. Get real. Bite your pride and focus on getting divorced at least cost, quickest time and minimum stress to you. That advice was spot on.

Sorry for all the typos 😳🤦‍♀️