We've had "the talk" - what next?

[WhatsitWiggle]

It's taken me six months but I finally plucked up the courage last night to say I wasn't happy and couldn't do this any more. OH was shocked but agreed - he was staying for our daughter (just turned 14).

He has offered to move out and rent somewhere. Our incomes are broadly similar, not sure on assets but I think not too far apart. He wants regular contact with DD, not necessarily 50/50 but things like her popping in after school.

We both want to do this amicably. But I'm confused as to what to do next. I know we need to sort out finances, house, child and belongings - we've been together 20 years, there's a lot to untangle, and our ages mean that mortgages/pensions need to be considered.

Do I need a solicitor? I don't want to spend thousands unnecessarily, but I need someone to tell me what to do, in what order. I just feel a bit lost and so sad that it's come to this.

Been through this. Firstly if you have a spare room, one of you move into that so you can do things carefully rather than immediately having to pay extra rent.

Sit down together, excel spreadsheet open and write down all your income and all the essential fixed and variable expenditure including a food budget and savings for annual expenses like presents expressed as a monthly item. Be honest with each other, even if it's high at the moment!

You then need to work out how you can separate households without either of you coming off far worse, this may mean putting the house on the market, it may not, in my case we could afford for exh to rent elsewhere and he moved out about 6 months after we separated, he gave me maintenance for the children (despite them being over 18) plus 50% of the mortgage & insurance plus car costs as we continued to share it. Very amicable. We recently have sold, I live elsewhere now my choice and I get spousal maintenance until the kids graduate university

Thank you. No spare room unfortunately. Splitting the household will be tight - we live in a very expensive part of the country without the salaries to go with it! - but we agreed that keeping our daughter at her current school through her GCSEs was vital. I'll get started on a spreadsheet - I did work something out roughly a few months back but costs have obviously increased since then 😔