Help! Trying to find a way to pay the mortgage alone

[TotallyUninspired]

Just over two weeks ago I found out that my husband loved but was not 'in love' with me (the old classic) and he is in fact in love with someone else, also married. We have two children and It has all been a devastating shock. He blames me for the whole thing and wouldn't want to be with me even if I could forgive him. I don't recognise this cruel, selfish stranger.
Anyway, I could say A LOT more about that, but what I'm really asking is whether anyone has any experience of getting their mortgage lender to agree to extend the term of the current mortgage to make the monthly payments lower. I spent a whole day filling out an affordability spreadsheet and speaking on the phone to my provider, but just being passed from pillar to post and getting nowhere. I realise now that I underestimated some of the non-fixed costs on the budget (I was not thinking clearly) so they concluded it was affordable to me, which it definitely isn't, long-term. My stupid husband will be in no financial position to contribute - I doubt I'll even get CMS from him as he's self-employed - but when I filled it in I assumed that I would get that at least. Does anyone have any advice at all on how to speak to them?

I realise the house will have to be sold in the end but being able to keep it on for 3 years (and my husband is willing in principle) would hugely help the kids and me in terms of schooling, stability and friends etc. as I will definitely have to move somewhere further away and cheaper and I currently can't drive.

You need to talk to a specialist mortgage broker/advisor who can act on your behalf. There are many out there that will often provide free consultation meetings to figure out options/what could take place.

The world of mortgages is so mind bending without technical knowledge it wouldn't be wise to pursue anything else. Good luck.

Not able to help on the mortgage front, but have a look if you are eligible for financial support via universal credit (depending on your circumstances) also get in touch with the council and apply for single persons discount - It's 25% less a month going out. Sorry not much help but hopefully a little more towards the payments until you can get through to your provider/advisor.

Could you switch to interest only?

@Flerp

You need to talk to a specialist mortgage broker/advisor who can act on your behalf. There are many out there that will often provide free consultation meetings to figure out options/what could take place.

The world of mortgages is so mind bending without technical knowledge it wouldn't be wise to pursue anything else. Good luck.

Yes, this. You’ll have to apply for a mortgage yourself if it’s currently a joint one, it won’t be tinkering with your existing mortgage.

Some divorce settlements include the NRP paying towards the mortgage for a period of time (sometimes until kids leave home) but this seems much less common nowadays and if he’s broke it’s not going to happen.

Sorry to hear of the very hurtful bombshell you’ve just had. I hope you manage to stay in the house. I managed to takevout a mortgage for just me with the help of a mortgage advisor, but it’s a cheapish house so I was lucky. I love it being just mine though

Apologies I didn’t read it carefully enough- your husband will stay on the mortgage for three years? My lender wouldn’t have accepted this (as he’s living/paying rent elsewhere) so you definitely need a good mortgage advisor.

My mortgage advisor told me to negotiate with the lender directly as the best option. I got a bit further with them today, but they asked if I could make this month's payment and the next, which I can, and then said to come back to them when I'm REALLY struggling and they might be able to help. FFS.

My ex stayed on the mortgage although the deeds are in my name. We had to ask Santander's permission but it was easily forthcoming. This meant ex could get a new mortgage too albeit not at 5 times his salary.
Luckily we were interest only so I can afford to pay it. (The plan was always to sell and downsize at the end of the term).
Ex could see the point in keeping things stable for our kids. He's nice like that.

Sounds like your lender is assuming you are going to start defaulting. What mortgage broker did you use? Some only deal with 'clean' business (not complex).

Look carefully at the terms of your existing mortgage have you overpaid? Could you ask them to use these overpayments to recalculate lower monthly payment. If you are amicable then it might be better to both agree to leaving it as joint mortgage til set point in future (when house can be sold to allow you to go separate) mortgage companies don’t have to agree to let one party take it all over as normally you have to go through new affordability checks which may be much stricter than when you jointly took out the loan.

We haven't overpaid unfortunately, but we do both agree that we should leave it as a joint mortgage until a set point to provide stability for the children if at all possible. In principle this is something the mortgage company should be able to do - we have no defaults, no outstanding loans etc. I am trying to do the right thing to ensure there are no defaults as that will affect both of our future credit ratings. It all seems so 'computer says no'.

I might be being thick but if you’re not changing your existing mortgage terms I.e leaving joint mortgage as is then you don’t need their permission, if your wanting to do a term amendment extension then that must be what they are saying no to. Any mortgage company will ask standard checks about affordability especially if you’ve mentioned your circumstances have changed.