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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Help me support my poor child through this acrimonious divorce

5 replies

SunnySummerSun · 30/03/2022 06:10

There's a non molestation order but without occupation order so we all live together while we divorce. It's complicated but there's a court order for custody while we live under the same roof. I'd move out if it wouldn't be breach or the court order, and he's being very careful to stay the right side of the law so I can't protect the children from him by insisting on supervised contact. However
I deem the children unsafe with him unsupervised largely based on their father's history with them. Although I took it to the police, they couldn't action it because it was historical and they said they'd do something about it if it happens again now. But exH's being ultra-careful to 'behave' while all eyes are on him, though we all know it won't last because none of his promises ever have.

ExH has creating terrible doubt about me to our son, who told me last night he just doesn't know who to trust anymore. Previously it was mad enough he wasn't able to trust his dad because his dad kept lying, but now the lies about me have undermined my son's faith in my trustworthiness too.

I feel desperately sad that a child his age has no adult he can trust, and I so much want to support him. I have stayed completely true to my word, unlike his father, and yet the doubt still exists because of the toxic implications from the other parent.

I just want my child to be able to trust somebody in his childhood and if it now can't be me because of what ex has said about me, then who can it be - how can he be supported to feel safe in the world with a trusted adult?

I am at such a loss with what to do. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
Rodion · 30/03/2022 06:26

Oh my goodness that's horrific Flowers Is there another impartial adult in his life he can talk to? At school maybe? Where you can explain that you love him very much and that he absolutely can trust you, but you can also understand why it's so confusing and sad for him right now, so hopefully talking to X will be good without any worries about who can be trusted.

SunnySummerSun · 30/03/2022 08:37

I just don't know of anyone. He doesn't trust teachers all that much as he sees them as authoritative figures to be afraid of!

I wondered about trying to get him a therapist or something. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
northerncrumpet · 30/03/2022 09:48

School will have access to specialist support workers and counsellors for kids in this situation, so start with them. You poor thing, and your poor boy, that is so hard Flowers.

Rodion · 31/03/2022 15:22

Speak to the school and see what they can come up with, if he still isn't comfortable then I would absolutely look into a therapist or counsellor. It might be a good idea anyway just to help him through the divorce process.in a general way. It sounds so stressful for you, I hope you have someone to talk to? Flowers

CordeliaBrideshead · 02/04/2022 15:07

How old is he? Counselling might work. It helped my son. There are also schemes Social services know about where an adult can mentor them in the community.

We had to live in the sort of hell you are in for over a year. Hope you have an end in sight.

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