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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Under what circumstances might you get spousal support?

34 replies

cleocleo24 · 26/03/2022 16:37

I am asking for a friend who's not on here.

Here DH has moved out and they are separated. For now he has rented a flat and they have agreed on child access. He has said he will pay £350 child maintenance a month. My friend is moaning this is too low, he does earn around £80k I would say but his job is in jeopardy I think. She's not happy with this but doesn't seem to want to make any effort to find out what he should be paying her- 1dc.

She has been told she can get £500 tax credits a month. Not sure of her earnings but probably around £600 a month.

Anyway- she wants her dh to pay the whole mortgage as she says she can't afford it. It's only a small mortgage £40000 but payments are £400 a month. He's told her to extend it to reduce payments but she hasn't/won't.

She also thinks he should continue to pay half her bills. I have tried to gentle say this never happens in most circumstances- is this right? She's being very abusive and angry with him and can't seem to see any other perspective but her own. She seems utterly convinced he should pay.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 27/03/2022 15:57

So on an income of £80k, assuming a 10% pension, she'd be entitled to £650 a month if there are no other children involved and he never has the child overnight (drops to around £300 if he has her 3+ nights a week). Surely she'd be better off claiming full CMS and dropping the spousal maintenance as that will get deducted £ for £ from her UC anyway! (No court will award her indefinite spousal particularly if there is a new bloke on the scene).

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 27/03/2022 16:14

@LittleOwl153

Wow that is a lot. I don't know why she does t do the calculations to calculate it properly. He seems to decided what he wants to give her without going down the legal route. I don't know how he's got to that decision. He has his own rent etc to pay so probably what he worked out he could afford. He's on debt too and I think is looking for another job, currently self employed, which I expect will be for less money. In fairness he does seem to be dictating what's fair- but what she thinks is fair is along way off this. I wonder if they will ever reach an agreement. It's got very nasty with both of them slagging the other unfortunately.

He has their dc EOW and 1-2 nights a week. Sometimes though as hers in the time from school pick up to when she gets back from work. She asks him to have extra time though like if she's seeing the other man, wants to go for a run etc.

The other man is going nowhere. He's married and made it pretty clear she is one of many. Another friend said she only stays with married man for the money which is sad.

OP posts:

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 27/03/2022 16:16

Apparently she's been told she's entitled to £500 per month.

OP posts:

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 27/03/2022 16:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 27/03/2022 16:30

@BattenbergdowntheHatches

I am of an age where just over half of my friendship group are now divorced. That’s about 8 couples including those on the periphery. I am now going through a divorce myself so have been openly asking fir their experiences. Only one woman has received spousal maintenance. She was the higher earner, gave up work to be a mum (1 child), then returned to a lower paid job 3 days a week (agreed by her H at the time) while his career skyrocketed. His bonus alone is 6 figures.

She was told that she might not get SM but did, albeit less than she hoped for. It’s rare as rocking horse shit, unfortunately.

Thanks. That's sad about your group of friends and for you.

I think she's trying to get the equivalent through a mutual agreement now they are separated rather than legally. I guess she will get it unless he chooses to go down the legal route.

OP posts:

PermanentTemporary · 27/03/2022 16:53

Tbh I would protect yourself a bit. Worrying about things you can't do anything about is going to exhaust you for no benefit. In the same situation you would get legal advice, and you can say that. Maybe meet her a bit less, and do things like go to an exercise class together, when you don't have time to stay afterwards. Consider whether 'the friend you know and love' really exists any more. Being 'there' for someone is a very open phrase - don't wear yourself out listening to someone who won't listen to you.

crimsonlake · 27/03/2022 17:10

I was awarded Court Ordered joint lives spousal maintance in 2013, further down the line I managed to get it capitalized in to a lump sum.
Tbh if your friend is not prepared to investigate her own entitlements going forward with divorce I would leave her to it.

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 27/03/2022 20:04

@PermanentTemporary

Thanks very much. This is exactly how am I feeling right now. She isn't treating those around her well and is very all consumed in her own situation. She's not being a great friend to me.

I have stepped away for now as I do wonder where my friend has gone. Although maybe this was always her. Perhaps she's just going through a traumatic time at the moment and I should support her more? I don't know. I know a situation like this can mess you up so I feel for her. I do want her to make sensible decisions though and not her hurt/burned later on by what she's doing now. But she seems determined to continue on the self destruct button.

OP posts:

SaintJavelin · 28/03/2022 15:33

Haven’t you posted about this friend before? As I can recall a very similar thread.

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