Marital home

[PanPan1]

Hoping for a little advice here as it's causing sleepless nights (apologies for the lobg post!). Will change a few details for privacy sake but the fundamentals are the same.

My fiance separated from his ex wife around 9 years ago, but only got around to getting a divorce last year. His ex wife lives in the (3 bed - that might be important) home they bought together, but my fiance is still on the mortgage and deeds. She currently isn't in a position to remortgage to buy him out (can't raise a big enough mortgage) and hasn't got the personal funds to do it. Because of this situation myself and my fiance are stuck where we are, we both earn decent salaries but we can't get a mortgage for a big enough house with him still on his exes mortgage and he's relying on the equity he's owed for a deposit so we can move on with our lives and start our own family. They have 1 child together who is starting secondary school this year.

His ex is a lovely person and I couldn't love his child more if they were my own, but I want to protect myself and any children I will have in the future. We have said to his ex wife we would be willing to buy her out and give her a sizeable lump sum so she can start again, which we think is the fairest thing to do and ensures both us and his ex wife/child are properly taken care of.

If she doesn't accept this, do we have any other options aside from the court route? Currently we all get on well and for the sake of the child I want that to continue, but going the court route could destroy that relationship which I don't want! I've spoken to a few people and read a few similar threads that the below options seem the likely outcome if we went to court:

• As she only needs a 2 bed place a judge could order the immediate sale and equity split 50:50 (my fiance has only every asked for about 20% of the equity and no more so this outcome would potentially be unfair on her)
• Order for postponed sale then 50:50 split. I don't think this is ideal as the problem will still be there; we can't move on with our own lives for another 7 years.
• order her to accept our offer to buy her out for a sizeable lump sum.
• order she pays him a monthly payment to return his investment, almost like she's paying off a loan for the next 10 years or so. Again doesn't seem a good option as she doesn't earn huge amounts so this might be financially unviable for her.

I want to try to make sure everything is done fairly to both parties and good relationships are maintained, but I also want to protect myself and my future. Anyone have any advice?!

I think the only one of those options a judge would order is the sale of the house. If a couple can't agree on how the marital assets are to be split then a judge decides. There is no other option really.

Make sure that when you buy a house it is as tenants in common, so you physically own half of the house.
Then get a will leaving it to your children, he can have a life interest in the house unless he cohabitates/remarries/fails to maintain the property.

You can't force a sale of there is a child still living in the house.

You say your df has divorced his exw, have they had the decree absolute? I thought that all finances had to be tied up and agreed before that was granted? If that's the case then your df would have agreed, as part of the divorce, that his ex's could live in the house until, at least, their child was out if full time education (I could be wrong so check with a solicitor).

@2DogsOnMySofa

You can't force a sale of there is a child still living in the house.

You say your df has divorced his exw, have they had the decree absolute? I thought that all finances had to be tied up and agreed before that was granted? If that's the case then your df would have agreed, as part of the divorce, that his ex's could live in the house until, at least, their child was out if full time education (I could be wrong so check with a solicitor).

Wouldn't want to do that at all! They have the decree absolute and it was amicable and privately agreed that she would remortgage later in the year to pay him what she owes him. She's now realised she can't do that after talking to a mortgage advisor. Do you know of anyway he can just forget the money, get off the mortgage and walk away? That way at least this won't affect us getting a mortgage together?

Do you know of anyway he can just forget the money, get off the mortgage and walk away? That way at least this won't affect us getting a mortgage together?

If he is happy to hand over the house to her without taking his equity out of the house, it still relies on her getting a mortgage in her name alone for the remaining balance.

He can remove himself from the mortgage by:

She takes in the full mortgage and he walks away with no money (you said he would use that for his deposit)

They sell the house

Someone else invests in his half of the mortgage

He might be able to get a second mortgage on a new property, but he has to prove to the lender that he can afford both etc

@2DogsOnMySofa

Do you know of anyway he can just forget the money, get off the mortgage and walk away? That way at least this won't affect us getting a mortgage together?

If he is happy to hand over the house to her without taking his equity out of the house, it still relies on her getting a mortgage in her name alone for the remaining balance.

He can remove himself from the mortgage by:

She takes in the full mortgage and he walks away with no money (you said he would use that for his deposit)

They sell the house

Someone else invests in his half of the mortgage

He might be able to get a second mortgage on a new property, but he has to prove to the lender that he can afford both etc

That's helpful, thank you! We would use the money for a deposit but if that's not possible we would look at different options (ie continue renting until we have saved a deposit ourselves). Not the most ideal situation but if that's what we need to do then so be it. As he doesn't pay towards the mortgage at all (she's being paying it herself for the last 6 years) would this still affect mortgage affordability on his part? It's a bit of a minefield as some lenders seem to take the outstanding balance of the mortgage and deduct it and some only care about monthly payments! I earn slightly more than him so that may work in our favour if I am the lead.

Confusing

I think he needs to sit down and say that they need to sort out the finances, this should have been done after degree nisi really. Could she buy a smaller place outright from the lump sum, could she get a mortgage for any difference?

As long as it's a yes this makes sense

@gogohm

I think he needs to sit down and say that they need to sort out the finances, this should have been done after degree nisi really. Could she buy a smaller place outright from the lump sum, could she get a mortgage for any difference?

As long as it's a yes this makes sense

I think she could. The lump sum we offered was £75k and although house prices around here are high I don't imagine a 2 bed would be out of her grasp.

I may just be overthinking this all and she will come back and accept our offer no problem!

A court can and they do order a house sold if a child lives in it. Which is an inevitable outcome of this unless your partner just lets it ride for another 9 years. Which is probably what he wants to do. But you will still have the problem because she still won’t budge for the same reasons.

Legally it’s absolutely acceptable for her to move somewhere smaller and there is no reason why she can’t rent even with a child. She needs to take this on board and your partner needs to demonstrate he is willing to do it.

The Co parenting only rubs along because of inaction and a lack of challenge by your partner and his ex. They are both being useless. But because of that you cannot buy a home as a couple or have children. It’s not selfish for your to want either of those things. There is no reason why it cannot be accommodated just because there is a child in his first marriage.

Tell your partner you expect him to deal with this. Explain he needs to stand his ground and stop negotiating on a backwards retreat. Ask for what he is entitled to and be clear the next step is court. That way she can see the wisdom of settling.

Or just let things carry on. The ex is more than ok with that and she knows it.

@LemonTT

A court can and they do order a house sold if a child lives in it. Which is an inevitable outcome of this unless your partner just lets it ride for another 9 years. Which is probably what he wants to do. But you will still have the problem because she still won’t budge for the same reasons.

Legally it’s absolutely acceptable for her to move somewhere smaller and there is no reason why she can’t rent even with a child. She needs to take this on board and your partner needs to demonstrate he is willing to do it.

The Co parenting only rubs along because of inaction and a lack of challenge by your partner and his ex. They are both being useless. But because of that you cannot buy a home as a couple or have children. It’s not selfish for your to want either of those things. There is no reason why it cannot be accommodated just because there is a child in his first marriage.

Tell your partner you expect him to deal with this. Explain he needs to stand his ground and stop negotiating on a backwards retreat. Ask for what he is entitled to and be clear the next step is court. That way she can see the wisdom of settling.

Or just let things carry on. The ex is more than ok with that and she knows it.

Thank you for speaking such wise words, I am exactly of the same opinion and won't let it continue, they would both be more than happy to carry on as is but he's starting to realise the implications this will have on our future, especially after we get married. Looking like an official court order may be the only way going forward

You’ve not mentioned earnings
A court can and does order sale of fmh while children are there. They also order mesher orders, usually the requirement for this involves party remaining in the home to remove other party from the mortgage and only the equity shared is deferred until a trigger
50:50 is not the default- she could be awarded more or less. What other assets were/are there

If the house was sold and she got 50% of equity is that enough to get a suitable 2 bed with a mortgage she can raise ? If not, how much does she need? 60%,70%
Are there pensions or other assets they need to factor in?
Is your partner a high earner ?

@millymolls

You’ve not mentioned earnings A court can and does order sale of fmh while children are there. They also order mesher orders, usually the requirement for this involves party remaining in the home to remove other party from the mortgage and only the equity shared is deferred until a trigger 50:50 is not the default- she could be awarded more or less. What other assets were/are there

If the house was sold and she got 50% of equity is that enough to get a suitable 2 bed with a mortgage she can raise ? If not, how much does she need? 60%,70%
Are there pensions or other assets they need to factor in?
Is your partner a high earner ?

Hey @millymolls, I dont know about her earnings, all i know is she cant raise a £110k mortgage so I would guess the low £20k's (she does get CM from my df as well so dont know if that might effect her mortgage chances), my df earns just over £30k and if my salary is taken into account (when we are married for example) we would be bringing in over £60k a year - both have pensions but I know hers is better than df's so all in all they may even each other out.

They need to do full financial disclosure and agree consent order. If they can’t agree he’ll have no option but to go down FDR route, but might as well be now

On his earnings it’s more likely that they’d order a sake to release him from mortgage and free up his equity I think. If he was much higher earner and could raise mortgage etc elsewhere more chance he might have to stay on the mortgage in fmh