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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Benefits of doing the divorce via solicitor

12 replies

Threecrookedhearts · 10/03/2022 13:51

I'm ready to submit an application for my divorce. STBXH keeps threatening to do this and I've kept explaining to him that I don't have a copy of the marriage cert so it will have to wait until this is back. I've since applied for and now received a certified copy. I want to divorce him for adultery (cheating bastard) and I know that it makes no difference who divorces who etc but for my own sanity I think I need to do this and not him divorce me. The only grounds he could do this would be unreasonable behaviour and I honestly disagree with that for a multitude of reasons. I've not yet found a solicitor (he has) but did speak to a really nice one who I'd be happy to go with but of course it's $$$$. So I was wondering if I should just do the online divorce application myself and pay the fee and then just use the solicitor for the financials. They charge a fixed fee of £750+vat for the divorce itself. The financials are likely to be around £6k and that's if we agree! and I'd like to be able to take the kids on a holiday this year so a £1000 saved will obviously help. Any pros or cons of doing the divorce bit yourself or should i just bite the bullet and ask the lawyer to do this?

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 10/03/2022 18:05

You should be able to DIY, BUT don't go on adultery unless you have a written admission of adultery from him.

It is extremely hard to prove adultery if he won't admit it, unless the lucky lady has his baby.

Go on UB yourself, including that he has formed in improper association with OW ( don't name her so you don't have to serve her)

RedRoseRay · 10/03/2022 18:19

I was advised you have to use a lawyer when there’s children involved. I don’t think you can do it yourself online if your children are under 18 years old. The childcare agreement forms part of the divorce papers.

Original poster
Threecrookedhearts · 10/03/2022 18:42

Really helpful answers. Thank you. I have 2 weeks of phone messages between stbxh and ow where he talks her she's the best f* of his life. I know her name and work place and phone number. Would that be enough? I'm quite happy to name her. Can anyone else confirm if we have to use a solicitor as we have kids?

OP posts:
Duxiejhrhrvjz · 10/03/2022 18:55

@RedRoseRay

I was advised you have to use a lawyer when there’s children involved. I don’t think you can do it yourself online if your children are under 18 years old. The childcare agreement forms part of the divorce papers.
I was advised this too and yet I know many people with children that have done it online since.
Itsthejourney · 10/03/2022 19:51

The divorce is the easy bit, my solicitor got me to save money where I could and I did the divorce online £550 for UB. My solicitor did all the financial stuff as that went to court sadly and I had a barrister.

MrsBertBibby · 10/03/2022 20:14

you have to use a lawyer when there’s children involved

This is nonsense.

MrsBertBibby · 10/03/2022 20:17

I'm a divorce lawyer, and no, that isn't enough, and no, for God's sake don't name her! If you do you will have to serve her, and prove you served her. That goes whether you use adultery or UB.

The new no fault provisions start in a few weeks, why not use them?

Original poster
Threecrookedhearts · 10/03/2022 20:22

@Itsthejourney

The divorce is the easy bit, my solicitor got me to save money where I could and I did the divorce online £550 for UB. My solicitor did all the financial stuff as that went to court sadly and I had a barrister.
Thank you. This is exactly what I want to do.
OP posts:
Original poster
Threecrookedhearts · 10/03/2022 20:25

@MrsBertBibby

I'm a divorce lawyer, and no, that isn't enough, and no, for God's sake don't name her! If you do you will have to serve her, and prove you served her. That goes whether you use adultery or UB.

The new no fault provisions start in a few weeks, why not use them?

Because stbxh is planning to submit any day. I don't know what his hurry is. He only left 7 weeks ago. Maybe he's worried if his mom passes I'll have a claim on his inheritance. I can't think of another reason. So I guess I'm thinking I'll do it and have more control over the process? He left me and 2 kids after 23 yrs together for a woman he'd known 2 weeks. I'm just not feeling the no fault thing!
OP posts:
Original poster
Threecrookedhearts · 10/03/2022 20:26

@MrsBertBibby

I'm a divorce lawyer, and no, that isn't enough, and no, for God's sake don't name her! If you do you will have to serve her, and prove you served her. That goes whether you use adultery or UB.

The new no fault provisions start in a few weeks, why not use them?

Ok. Noted! Thank you!
OP posts:
Maze76 · 11/03/2022 13:51

I would file online, it’s really straightforward and yes, engage a solicitor for the financials / CO etc

MayMorris · 11/03/2022 19:19

Do divorce process on line yourself. No need for solicitor. If you have evidence for divorce on adultery then go ahead now.
Only use solicitor for minimum possible for the rest- and be specific about what you want them to do exactly,
But, rally, IME, you and husband need to sit down and get past the recrimination and anger , otherwise it will cost you both a lot of money to do it in front of mediators or god forbid, the court.
You’ll both be worse off financially. Accept that. Accept that you being angry with each other is going to hurt you more going through this process vs.putting that hate on hold and working hard to rise above it for now to get agreements in place.
You can say what you want to him on the day of your decree final.

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