Living together (with DC) before you separate

[treasure47]

If you have children, after making the decision to separate from your partner (non-mutual), how did you manage living in the same house until you could move out? Obviously separate bedrooms but what did you do on a weekend for example? Both spend time with DC together? What about meal times? I can't really imagine how it would work! I know it would depend if things were somewhat amicable. It makes me really sad thinking about it. Being separate but together. How do people do this?!

It is hideous.... as the one that made the decision (which I am surprised has come as a shock if you know what I mean) I am getting a whole load of digs/criticism/vitriol thrown at me non-stop. Not good for the kids at all. The quicker I get out the better.... My ex is particularly bitter (generally, and a big part of the overall issue) so others might not have had the same experience...

Awful and by far the worst bit. If you mean to separate do it as quickly as you can.

We did it for a while and in front of the kids just pretended to be the normal family unit. We had separate rooms for years anyway and they are young and were used to him being fairly absent so it wasn't too bad for them. Obviously for me it was uncomfortable and beyond irritating but for them it was all fairly average. Then once I decided on a date he'd have to leave it was far easier for me mentally. So my only advice would be get a moving out date set in stone as soon as possible. My ex had a house purchase lined up which fell through and he continually asked for yet more time, but as he'd taken the piss since the separation, I said no way so he had to go to stay with a family member for a while.

We've been living under the same roof since agreeing to separate a few months ago, and been living pretty much separate lives in the same house for at least a year. It's been okay ish, but I am at the point now where I just want him out of my personal space. You can make it work for a short while, esp. if you have kids and want to keep things "normal" for as long as possible, but it does become uncomfortable, particularly if you get to the point where you feel ready to move forward with your life. Just try to carve out some time for yourself. It can be a little intense at times.

How long is too long? Mentally I mean?
I am at breaking point.
It’s been 9 months now since he ended the relationship and we are still in the same house. He won’t move out.
Is it reasonable to ask him for a date? He won’t give me a date for sure (I’ve heard it all before - “I’m moving out as soon as possible, the new place I’m moving to won’t need a microwave, the place I went to view was too small”).
If he won’t give me a date, can I give him a date and say that he must please (for example) be out by 30 April? And then he still won’t. Can I move his things out? I think legally it’s not a good idea to change the locks but what else can I do?
It’s been 9 months now. Mediation has broken down. He won’t agree to anything. He wants to go to court over the children.
We haven’t sorted the finances.
He sits here most evenings building and playing with his board games, or on one of his screens.
This is not healthy! He filed yet has no intention to move on to his next phase of life

@thinkingSilver

How long is too long? Mentally I mean? I am at breaking point. It’s been 9 months now since he ended the relationship and we are still in the same house. He won’t move out. Is it reasonable to ask him for a date? He won’t give me a date for sure (I’ve heard it all before - “I’m moving out as soon as possible, the new place I’m moving to won’t need a microwave, the place I went to view was too small”). If he won’t give me a date, can I give him a date and say that he must please (for example) be out by 30 April? And then he still won’t. Can I move his things out? I think legally it’s not a good idea to change the locks but what else can I do? It’s been 9 months now. Mediation has broken down. He won’t agree to anything. He wants to go to court over the children. We haven’t sorted the finances. He sits here most evenings building and playing with his board games, or on one of his screens. This is not healthy! He filed yet has no intention to move on to his next phase of life

That sounds awful, I feel for you. I'd suggest giving him a deadline and seeing how it goes. Even suggest helping look for places if it helps get him out sooner!

We carried on eating together, even did chores requiring two together. We still get on very well and I've stayed at my fmh with my now dp a few times