Can somebody recommend a super decent divorce lawyer?

[Alwaysforgiving]

I've had enough and need get good advice from a good lawyer. I want to protect my assets as much as possible.

@millymolls

The courts will look at time pre marriage inc cohabitation

The courts will also look to split based on both needs and sharing - in a short marriage needs will come into it
He will need to be able to house his child as well as you - what are the child arrangements?
What you want to pay him vs what law says us fair are not the same
They won’t award you everything and him nothing

This

He has other kids too. I don't know what happens, in relation to divorce, to ensure he can house them too. But it's worth finding out.

I don't think he deserves anything, and any objective person could see that BUT he does need to house all of his children and he wouldn't be able to.

@Alwaysforgiving

I've given him enough money throughout the years, I've literally had enough.

Sorry, if you are in uk you may not be able to protect “your” assets. Point of marriage really- joining your assets together really. I know it’s a hard bullet to bite , been there. Be aware the more you fight to protect your assets the more you legal fees and other parties fees will Mount up…especially with a “good” aka expensive solicitor. Suggest you read carefully the 10 or so criteria the courts use when deciding on a financial agreement, or approving consent order. You can review these on Advice Now or Mediate web sites. There is some provisions form what I remember around length of marriage but the courts look at ALL of them together when deciding. These are 10 criteria any solicitor or Medation will need to work through with you anyway- looking now and getting used to the implication of these on your situation could save you a lot of money in long term It’s shit I know. I’m sorry you are in this situation . But the reality is a hard one and you need time to process this and unfortunately accept it is a shit deal

@Alwaysforgiving

I don't think he deserves anything, and any objective person could see that BUT he does need to house all of his children and he wouldn't be able to.

I should add. Courts do not take into account what the other party does or doesn’t deserve in terms of why the marriage has broken down . Even in cases of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. It has absolutely no bearing. Sorry. Again been there and it sucks but the courts seperate the reasons for divorce form the financial settlement The only time the court may do is in extreme circumstances involving a things like a violent crime to the other party or parties family where the money was a motive. Really really appalling situations.

The best divorce lawyer is you.
Seriously, get yourself informed as to the process and how financial settlements work. Read on government self service website for how to petition for divorce ( you do not need a solicitor to petition, you are just wasting money…it is stupidly simple on the web sites)
Read up then on how to get a financial agreement on Mediate site or Advice Now site. Make sure you understand how the courts will make a financial settlement and the 10 or so criteria they will use. You need a use a qualified solicitor to do a few very specific tasks as part of this- but any family solicitor is qualified to do this. Go for someone local, who has an physical office, and chargers reasonably rates.

Do not use a solicitor to ask about process or take advice..it’ll cost you £200 plus per hour all the time you are talking to them, and same again for all time they prepare the work to advise you, and same agian for time they talk back to you.

Unfortunately it doesn’t matter how he behaves this doesn’t impact how courts decide financial agreement. They’ll use those10 or so criteria. You can kick and fight your way using a “good” solicitor which will cost you £1000’s or accept that the outcome will be what it will be and hang on to more of your money without unnecessary legal costs, stress, anger and time wasting.
You need to read these criteria, use the forms on the government web site (form E ) and get your own head into the space which is the reality of your future financial situation. Once you have adjusted to that, grieved a bit, park your anger. Truely it is not going to help you get through a divorce. It won’t change the outcome. It’ll only cost you more in money, time and pain.
If you can park the anger for the time being, and reach agreement without the necessity for solicitors for mediation or god forbid a court hearing, you’ll end up doing yourselves both a favour for the rest of your lives.
No solicitor will represent your interests alone better than you can if you are prepared to make the effort , use your brain and park your emotions a while. You know your financial , circumstances etc better than any solicitor right now- to transfer that information to them will cost you. All solicitors also have their own interests to meet. You pay for that.

Seriously awful advice in this thread. You do not need to wait 2 years to divorce. You do need a solicitor.

Let me qualify that; you technically can divorce without a solicitor. I did. But in your situation you can't afford not to use one.

After talking to a few lawyers, they told me that if keeping my assets was my priority and I could see myself staying married that was my best bet.

@SausagePourHomme

Seriously awful advice in this thread. You do not need to wait 2 years to divorce. You do need a solicitor.

So much this.

You need a lawyer. You also need to try to make it as amicable as possible, for the sake of your child but also for yourself - you're almost guaranteed to waste so much money fighting an acrimonious divorce through the courts, and often end up with the same outcome anyway.

Unfortunately his behaviour is not going to be taken into account, and his inability to hold onto a job will end up with him getting more, not less.
A good lawyer will help you talk through evidence that might help preserve some things, also it's important that if you are a primary carer of your child, hold onto it. If he quits his job and argues that he's the main carer and needs to be housed accordingly it makes things much harder.
A really good lawyer will also try to help you accept some of the outcomes. Don't trust anyone who takes advantage of your anger, no matter how justifiable - they're looking to bleed you for fees.

I know I don't need to wait two years. In hindsight, I was really angry when I wrote this post, but things are much calmer now and divorce isn't an option anymore.

@Alwaysforgiving

I don't think he deserves anything, and any objective person could see that BUT he does need to house all of his children and he wouldn't be able to.

If he has children other than yours that’s not your concern, as it’s a short marriage you will have to pay towards his “needs”, but the settlement should not be massive. Be careful of high solicitors fees, they do have a tendency to charge what the client can afford.

@SausagePourHomme

Seriously awful advice in this thread. You do not need to wait 2 years to divorce. You do need a solicitor.

You need a solicitor for CERTAIN pieces of the process. But as soon as someone starts spouting about finding a “good” solicitor to try to get a better deal they are going about it in a very expensive, time consuming and painful,way. It is not a difficult process. It is made difficult by the individuals involved and their attitude. If they expect a solicitor to sort this out for them, fine, but it will Cost a great deal of money. Inevitably the division of assets will end up based on a difficult compromise you both will have to make in line with the courts criteria. Most intelligent people can figure out what this is likely to be. It’s just a lot of people refuse to accept it and ask for solicitors to wave magic wands to make the pain and difficulty of that go away. Solicitors will do what’s asked of them. And they need paying to do that. I absolutely would not advocate divorcing without solicitor drafting the consent or bing involved in child arrangements. But it doesn’t need the best solicitor in the land to do that …just a qualified one. That’s my point- you and your attitude are the difference between a solicitor who will do the jobs you ask, and a solicitor your expecting a miracle form becuase they are “good”,

@MayMorris agree that the 'shit hot lawyer' thing is way overdone here, but there are also a huge number of women who post on here totally unaware that they didn't get a good deal on the divorce when their exes agreed to split the savings 50/50 but didn't up any share of their final salary public sector pension.
A lot of women would do well to start by getting their full financial picture together, seeing a reasonably priced, non combative solicitor for a few hours (not the semi-mythical free half hour) to understand where to start and what's likely to happen.

Op I see you say divorce is now 'not an option' - I hope that you say this because it's not what you want, not because you are stuck with someone who won't work and spends your money on cam girls

over it's truly because overall my relationship is good and the main issue (which was his lack of transparency) has been resolved.

[quote OverTheRubicon]@MayMorris agree that the 'shit hot lawyer' thing is way overdone here, but there are also a huge number of women who post on here totally unaware that they didn't get a good deal on the divorce when their exes agreed to split the savings 50/50 but didn't up any share of their final salary public sector pension.
A lot of women would do well to start by getting their full financial picture together, seeing a reasonably priced, non combative solicitor for a few hours (not the semi-mythical free half hour) to understand where to start and what's likely to happen.

Op I see you say divorce is now 'not an option' - I hope that you say this because it's not what you want, not because you are stuck with someone who won't work and spends your money on cam girls[/quote]
I don’t disagree with what you say. I am however aware that many women do not have money to even spend on 2 hours with a solicitor to find out what the process is, that they’ll still need to gather all the information . The D81 forms do make it clear pensions are included.

The information is out there on how financial settlements are reached and achieved . THe only issue is people don’t know where to find it. Women are scared off divorce by threats that husband will fight through solicitors, or they will need expensive solicitors themselves . They don’t even try to look at what bits they can do themselves and what likely outcome will be for them as everyone jumps on bandwagon of you need a solicitor - it implies they can do nothing for themselves and it is too complicated. Most women stupid. But we constantly underestimate our capabilities
MN would serve people better for having a how divorce works page with clear outline of process, which bits do really need a solicitor, what the financial settlement framework is the courts use, etc. time to empower women to get out of a marriage quickly, cheaply and with least amount of stress.

Most women ARE NOT stupid that should have said, clearly my typing is pretty stupid 🤣🤣🤦‍♀️

Hi. I need a strong, experienced and very financially savvy solicitor quicksticks as mine has just abruptly gone on maternity leave. Would you mind if I asked you a few. questions about your experiences with yours? Thanks!

@TheVanguardSix I am desperately looking for a switched-on solicitor who can see through my financially savvy and dishonest soon-to-be ex. Did you use Karin Walker for a divorce yourself? I'm drowning here and my solicitor has just gone on maternity leave without warning! Thanks

I used Julian Lipson for my divorce and can recommend.

www.withersworldwide.com/en-gb/people/julian-lipson

Ask around your friends or work colleagues. That's how I found mine. She's worth her weight in gold.
I'm in a very similar situation. Glad I'm not alone! Why do we keep hoping it'll get better, instead of acknowledging what's right in front of us? Stay strong. 💐

Having a good solicitor will help but from one higher earner to another I will warn you they can only do so much. The law is quite generous to the "weaker financial party" and doesn't distinguish between someone who genuinely sacrificed a career for the family and a lazy, dependent, overgrown child. What you do need to ensure though is that your STBX gets a decent solicitor, a Resolution one, so that they don't waste time and money fighting for what they aren't going to get. Often the weaker financial party's starting position is to want everything as it is already for them with the higher earner becoming a bedsit dwelling money robot who never sees the children. For example my ex-wife didn't want to increase her earning capacity, she wanted spousal maintenance and she wanted a Mesher Order. She got none of these things. This was not a realistic outcome.

A decent solicitor will sit your husband down and tell him he needs to get a job, he needs to maximise his earning capacity rather than get a McJob, he needs to claim benefits he is eligible for and his prospects of getting more than half the assets are slim because of the length of marriage plus cohabitation. The courts will need to be able to suitably house himself but with only one child a rented 2 bed flat will do.

Lots of good advice given

@silentpool sorry to hijack the thread but was Julian really expensive?

@IveNameChangedAgain2020 yes he was not cheap but he worked in the background while I made the court appearances (saved money).

But everything got done very smoothly as opposed to when I worked with a cheaper lawyer. I'd consider it money well spent.

I used Sproulls in Bodmin, Cornwall and don't know how I would have managed without them. John drafted the separation agreement. All done by email and phone .Highly recommend .