Hi all,
Bit of advice or guidance needed if possible.
Married for 12 years, 3 children under 8. Both of us work full time and have a mortgage on what is his generational home. I am originally from Scotland and he is from Northern Ireland. We currently live in Northern Ireland.
Things haven't been right for a long time, there has been gaslighting, verbal abuse and generally just a very toxic environment, I've been concentrating raising the kids and getting on with life in general. The last 4 years I've realised how unhappy I am and I've seen some of this toxic behaviour being directed towards the children and made the decision that i would be happier divorced and the kids would benefit from a home environment that isn't full of tension and volatile.
My stbx does not want me to be the one to start proceedings (I believe its a pride thing). He won't discuss childcare arrangements citing that he's been advised not to. I want to move back to Edinburgh. I have no support here and no friends or family. I've suggested that I would bring the kids to him every 3rd weekend with him returning them, splitting the cost and he could have the pick of the school holidays, fathers day, his birthday and with alternate Christmas and children's birthdays. I would also be willing to purchase the older 2 phones so they could facetime and contact him and their family without my involvement.
With regards to the house I simply want taken off the mortgage. I don't want anything from the house ie furniture just clothes etc of the children. I even advised that I wouldn't want full child maintenance so he would have the means to see the children.
I would initially have to live with my parents (they have 3 spare rooms and are happy to help as they see the toxicity) but I have a higher paying job lined up, looked into local schools and they have space.
Stbx favours one of the children initially stated he would fight for full residency of solely them then said he would push for residency of all 3.
He doesn't care for the children, wouldn't even know their shoes size has never made a dinner for them or put a wash on.
I'm just wondering what the likelihood of him getting residency would be or if anyone had ever been in a similar situation?
I understand I mightnt be in a favourable position due to the relocation of the kids.
It's turned pretty twisted and bitter and not very amicable at all. I hate this. Apologies this is such a ramble but I am so very isolated ☹️