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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Wwyd? Such a mess. I need advice.

15 replies

Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:09

My fiancé, me and my son have moved into a 2 bed flat in August. My fiancé is not my son’s dad. I really thought this relationship was forever. I mean we’re engaged! And my son has really got to like my fiancé. We’ve been through a lot mentally and emotionally - half our relationship has been in covid times And I’ve been through depression and burnout when I was a single mum during lockdown and even after moving to our nee flat. So it’s taken a real toll on me, my son and my fiancé.

My fiancé wants to leave the relationship and told me it’s over. He doesn’t want to be with me. I really want things to work out and have tried to suggest solutions and persuade him that there’s a bright future for us that we need to hang in there in sickness and in health for better for worse. But he’s had enough. We’ve been together 2 years. I really am in shock about all this. That he would decide to leave. He wants to have a conversation about who will move out. I’m not working at the moment and he pays most of the bills and rent as our agreement. So I’m feeling very scared and worried about my sons future. I just applied for reception primary schools in January and he has his nursery. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just prayed to God to help me. How am I going to sort this out? Im so worried and disappointed and sad. The most I feel sad for is my son. The guilt is already killing me. Any advice would be appreciated? Sad

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 27/02/2022 16:11

Firstly, let him go. Stop begging.
Secondly, do you have any family nearby ?
Whose name is on the rental agreement ?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2022 16:19

Accept the fact that it's over and start making plans. Stop ruminating on what you thought would be and focus on reality, take it one thing at a time and work through your list. You don't have the luxury of falling apart right now, so chin up and move forward. Some rough days are ahead, but it will all work out in the end.

Dragongirl10 · 27/02/2022 16:21

You need to get a job.
Stop trying to persuade him to stay.
See what benefits you can get in the meantime, does DS dad pay maintenance?

tealandteal · 27/02/2022 16:21

Sounds like a lot has happened in the last two years, with covid, getting engaged, moving in, especially if your DS is only 4/5? Can you afford to stay by yourself? Let him go though if he wants to leave.

ClariceQuiff · 27/02/2022 16:23

You've nothing to feel guilty about - he's decided for whatever reason that the relationship has run its course - not your fault.

Hopefully someone knowledgeable will be along with specific advice, but you should start looking at financials ASAP and what help you may be eligible for with housing costs.

You will get through this!

Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:35

@GeneLovesJezebel

Firstly, let him go. Stop begging. Secondly, do you have any family nearby ? Whose name is on the rental agreement ?
@GeneLovesJezebel I do have family nearby which is one of the reasons why we chose the location we moved into. Both our names are on the tenancy agreement. Yes I’m afraid you’re right, I have to let him go but I’m so scared. The last few months have been rocky but I thought we made some progress. I just never thought this would happen. I’ve already had a bad experience with DS’s dad my ex and now this. I guess I’m just disappointed. I feel like such a failure.
OP posts:
Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:36

@Aquamarine1029 thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes you’re right I don’t have the luxury to fall apart. I need to be logical.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 27/02/2022 16:36

You need to be ok on your own before you look for a partner.
Be independent 💐

Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:42

@Dragongirl10 the plan is to get a job anyways, I started volunteering as I’ve been out of work for a while and depressed so as to build confidence. My self esteem is really low but getting better.

DS dad is paying but is varied from month to month as he is self employed. Last month I only got 20 odd pounds for the month.

OP posts:
Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:45

@tealandteal yes a lot has happened. My DS is almost 4.

I can’t afford to stay on my own. I would need the help of benefits. As another poster said I will try to get a job even if anything but the hours are difficult.

You’re right I need to let him be Sad

OP posts:
Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:47

@ClariceQuiff thank you for your words. Yes I agree I need to be logical and look at financials and try and get some expert advice. I don’t know who to contact though. The council?

OP posts:
Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 16:49

@GeneLovesJezebel that’s the things before I met him I was happy being single even though it was thought with a young child I was working on trying to restablisb my career and was in a good state of mind. But I agree with you. I need to be independent. All I wanted is to establish security and stability have a family and warm family home and it’s been the opposite. Sad

OP posts:
anon12345anon · 27/02/2022 16:55

Hey lovely!

Shit happens .... Flowers

its always devastating when an established relationship breaks down....
Concentrate on the practical stuff, and allow your emotions to come out x

This is life, and in a year's time things will look very different for you...Go mama! You've got this! Wink

Moonandstar5 · 27/02/2022 17:04

Hi @anon12345anon Thank you for your words of encouragnent. I appreciate it. I just hope and pray things will be different in a years time for the better and not fit worse. I’m so worried about m DS and his state of mind. He has diffulty sleeping and speech delays and going through all the changes and now this. It’s breaking my heart for him.

OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 27/02/2022 17:11

[quote Moonandstar5]@ClariceQuiff thank you for your words. Yes I agree I need to be logical and look at financials and try and get some expert advice. I don’t know who to contact though. The council?[/quote]
Perhaps try Citizens' Advice in the first instance - they should be able to signpost you to services in your area.

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