Feeling so angry

[Whatadayyyy]

Husband walked out on me and the kids a couple of months ago. I have gone thru the crying constantly phase and now I just feel so so angry. I feel like everything is pissing me off. When I think about demands he is making, the situation myself and the kids have been left in, how he is being so cold and hasn’t shown one ounce of emotion… I am just a huge ball of anger.
Folk who have been thru this, did you feel the same and how long does this anger last?

It’s part of grieving and - just like when you lose someone through death - losing someone you love through divorce takes a lot of adjusting. It isn’t always linear so you may find that the stages of grief are mixed up, or that you experience some of them over and over, it anger is a perfectly natural reaction to your life being turned upside down, so acknowledge it, accept it, find a constructive way to deal with it (whether that’s going for a run, having a big clear out, or just quietly muttering swear words about what an arsehole he is!) and carry on building your new life without him. I know it’s hard, it feels impossible at times, but this is just a stage and it will pass. There will be sadness and denial and bargaining too, but at some point the acceptance will come

Agree with chesthair. Have a look on line about the “grief pathway”. It is enormously helpful,to understand where you are, why you feel as you do, and what can help get you through each stage.
Bottom line..yep anger is all part of it.
One thing I’d say, anger is really unhelpful during the divorce process- it will slow down the settlement , increase costs, add to your pain and stress. It won’t change the outcome as things like financial settlements do not have any bearing on fault or behaviour. You’ll just burn yourself up wih frustration. Once you have recognised it’s a natural stage in your readjustment, try really hard to park it until after the divorce has gone through legally. Try to park your emotions outside all discussions you have and hold off expressing them just to get a fair deal and right care plan for kids.

@MayMorris

Agree with chesthair. Have a look on line about the “grief pathway”. It is enormously helpful,to understand where you are, why you feel as you do, and what can help get you through each stage. Bottom line..yep anger is all part of it. One thing I’d say, anger is really unhelpful during the divorce process- it will slow down the settlement , increase costs, add to your pain and stress. It won’t change the outcome as things like financial settlements do not have any bearing on fault or behaviour. You’ll just burn yourself up wih frustration. Once you have recognised it’s a natural stage in your readjustment, try really hard to park it until after the divorce has gone through legally. Try to park your emotions outside all discussions you have and hold off expressing them just to get a fair deal and right care plan for kids.

This is so true.

Think about the person you want to be. I very much doubt it’s angry and bitter because neither you or your children need that person in your lives. You don’t have to be sunshine and positivity right away or even. Just ok is enough for now.

Try to be calm, that often means not reacting and waiting for your emotions to steady.

Their are many things that you and he need to achieve for yourselves and they aren’t always compatible. Accept that and you will be less resentful. Cold and calm is better than hot and angry.

Try to assert what you need or want. Make sure it is reasonable. Don’t exhaust your mental health arguing the toss over things that aren’t realistic. Use I a lot instead of you.

It will pass but not if you let the anger stick.

Everyone will have been in that dark place of anger where we want to hit out and return the pain. Believe me you will be so glad you didn’t.