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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

DW didn't come home last night. DD7 crying for her and I am worried sick

37 replies

Whiteminnowfish · 20/02/2022 10:22

We had a blazing row yesterday. Been going on for a while now. Arguements etc.
Said she wanted a divorce said this a few times now.

She hasn't come home. No answering phone calls or texts. Dd7 keeps asking dor her and crying.

Dw has done this before where she goes AWOL. She is definitely not having an affair.

Don't know if she's in a hotel or staying at brother's house.

I checked WhatsApp this morning and seen she had been on at 926am. I texted her saying dd7 had been crying and wanted her to ring dd7 at least. She's not read messages, but she had changed settings so I can't see when she had last been on. If I can see that it puts my mind at rest knowing she is ok.

Don't know what to do to keep my.mind from panicking

OP posts:

willweevergetthere · 20/02/2022 11:38

So from your dripfeed I guess the reason your DD is so upset is they think it's their fault your DW is gone.

You need to speak to them about this issue. Explain that yes their behaviour in hitting and being aggressive is not acceptable but ultimately they are not responsible for the behaviour of the adults around them.

Antsgomarching · 20/02/2022 11:40

@willweevergetthere

So from your dripfeed I guess the reason your DD is so upset is they think it's their fault your DW is gone.

Yup agree with this

Hapoydayz · 20/02/2022 11:44

Why haven't you told your DD she is at the shops or at work or something. There is no need for her to be aware that there has been an argument. Hopefully she will go to the play date and will be less concerned.

Nousernameforme · 20/02/2022 11:44

How have you communicated to dd what's happened?

kittensinthekitchen · 20/02/2022 12:06

I hope she makes contact soon.

Longer term, though, you say she keeps asking for a divorce? What's going on there?

ChocolateMassacre · 20/02/2022 12:23

Is DW your DD's mother? If so, it's unacceptable for her to walk out on her child. You both need to remember that you're the adults and put in place strategies to address your DD's behaviour without flipping out. That may involve giving each other time away from DD so you can cope better when you're with her.

If your DW is not your DD's mother, then that changes the situation somewhat. You are responsible for your DD's behaviour but your DW needs to either behave like a responsible adult around your DD or leave. And you need to protect your DD.

amylou8 · 20/02/2022 12:39

@SeenYourArse

Sorry to ask but I think this IS relevant in this situation but who is DD’s mum? Who gave birth to her you or ‘D’w?? Not sure what I’m allowed to ask about this situation without getting flamed but it has an impact on the family dynamics obviously, her behaviour is obviously unacceptable and you cannot continue like this.

I think is relevant too, as I'm having difficulty working out the dynamic. Is one of you step parent, is there a father involved, or is she your and DWs joint daughter? No offense intended and I hope none caused, but I think it makes a huge difference to the situation if you've had her as a couple, or if your wife (or you) has come into her life later on and she spends eow with dad.

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 20/02/2022 13:07

Dd is adopted, so she has her own trauma which we are getting support with psychologists.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 20/02/2022 13:08

@Nousernameforme

How have you communicated to dd what's happened?

Just told her mummy has gone to work for a few days and she'll be back soon. That we are going to have some nice time together. We're getting ready to go out.

It's just my anxiety levels are heightened as worried incase dw will so something stupid as think her state of mind isn't in a good place at all

OP posts:

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 20/02/2022 13:09

A child and go from kicking and hitting to a piano lesson in an instant must be incredibly difficult to live with maybe that was the last straw. have you two got different ways of dealing with her challenging behaviour?

ScarlettDarling · 20/02/2022 19:33

@Whiteminnowfish

Dd is adopted, so she has her own trauma which we are getting support with psychologists.

Lots of adopted children have attachment issues so your wife walking out on her is absolutely unacceptable. Your little girl must be feeling incredibly scared and sad. I hope you’ve managed to reassure your daughter and that your wife gets in touch soon. Your wife clearly needs help as soon as possible for her own mental health and hopefully someone can persuade her to see her gp first thing tomorrow. Good luck op. This sounds like a difficult situation to navigate. I hope you’re getting lots of support.

RedHelenB · 20/02/2022 20:29

@Whiteminnowfish

DW did have a go at dd7 as dd7 hit her whilst she was lying in bed. Had problems with her hitting etc for a while. Getting help.

I went upstairs and had to remove dd7 off dw them dw was shouting at dd7. I had to restrain dd7 as she was going to go back and hit kick her. So it was a bit of a shouting match.

I took dd7 to piano lesson then returned and told dw not to shout and swear at dd7 like that. And she went CRAZY with me Blaming me for dd hitting her. She was so angry I've never seen her like that before

Why on earth was your dd hitting and kicking her? And why are you "telling" her other parents what to do? Sounds totally toxic.

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