How do I go about this carefully

[cds5163]

My relationship with my fiance has been nothing but mental anguish. I am absolutely sick of his shit. I wish I never met him and now I can't escape. I won't bother going into the myriad miniscule issues but he has always had a fucked up dodgy past and recently I found out that his ex wife's deceased daughter has accused him of abuse. I feel so sick, I could kill him. I don't know any of the details but a part of me does think he's done it. So now the issue is how do I get the kids. We have a 4, 2 and a 4month old and I don't think they will give me full custody. He's never harmed our children, not even spanked them. So if I tell the judge an accusation that he abused a child 20+ years ago would it matter? Would it most likely back fire on me because I think either he will be granted full custody or he will kill me. I don't have a job, little savings, no family to help me really. I'm screwed. I've been putting off marrying him because we've had other issues but I feel like I should have because now I have no security. I'm just so lost. How do I get out of this?

I don't understand. How can his ex wife's DD accuse him of abuse if she is deceased?

Before she died presumably.
Or perhaps in a letter opened after her death.

Do you live with your partner OP? Rented or owned/mortgaged?

Unless he was charged/convicted then the court will just see it as hear say and gossip.

I would concentrate on finding yourself and your children some housing, support and speak to a Solictor about what your options are.

@Denholmelliot Her sister confronted him about it in a text I read. She passed a couple months ago. He doesn't know I know.

@oviraptor21 we live in a home he owns. So I would have to leave.

Your probably going to need actual evidence if the abuse before it can be used in court. Otherwise as a PP said, it's just rumour.

Are you in the UK?

@ DenholmElliot yes unfortunately that's what I thought. I just don't know any other ways i'd win custody.

@CorrBlimeyGG No, the U.S.

While people can offer support here, any advice is likely to be based around the UK legal system. You need to seek legal advice in your state.

[quote cds5163]@CorrBlimeyGG No, the U.S.[/quote]
Do you mean you are from the UK?

@cds5163

My relationship with my fiance has been nothing but mental anguish. I am absolutely sick of his shit. I wish I never met him and now I can't escape. I won't bother going into the myriad miniscule issues but he has always had a fucked up dodgy past and recently I found out that his ex wife's deceased daughter has accused him of abuse. I feel so sick, I could kill him. I don't know any of the details but a part of me does think he's done it. So now the issue is how do I get the kids. We have a 4, 2 and a 4month old and I don't think they will give me full custody. He's never harmed our children, not even spanked them. So if I tell the judge an accusation that he abused a child 20+ years ago would it matter? Would it most likely back fire on me because I think either he will be granted full custody or he will kill me. I don't have a job, little savings, no family to help me really. I'm screwed. I've been putting off marrying him because we've had other issues but I feel like I should have because now I have no security. I'm just so lost. How do I get out of this?

Difficult. You say he "abused a child 20+ years ago" but in the eyes of a court, he didn't. He's never been taken to a court over the matter, neither a criminal one where he could be found guilty nor a civil one. You're not his accuser so you can't take him to court and his actual accuser is dead. You are right in thinking you could run a very real risk of it backfiring if you accuse him of this in a custody battle, although I doubt you would end up losing your children altogether over it. Probably something to talk over with an experienced solicitor rather than here.

Three things you might want to think about:

1. You immediately believed the story about him abusing children. This other woman could have been making a false accusation; the fact you immediately believed it suggests to me his behaviour around you made it believable. Is he abusive or controlling in any way in the home?

2. Children's Act 1989, Schedule 1. You might be able to live in the home until your youngest is 18. Again, solicitor will know more.

3. Unlikely he'll get custody, unlikely you will get full custody unless there's a very good reason. If you think he might kill you, then you might want to think about the reasons why and which of those you can evidence.