Married to a narcissist on a spouse visa

[undertheshadow]

My husband told me he wasn't interested in our marraige and relationship any longer (we got married in 2020)

• He said he wanted me to move out of the house as soon as I come back from my holiday to visit my sick dad.
• He was willing to give me a couple of months i. e 3 months to rent a new house
• He mentioned that he will also be commencing the divorce process
• He said he was no longer interested in us being a couple or even having children with me (statement about his ex partner, and knowing I have fertility issues)
• He said if I wasn't ready to cooperate he will take it the other way with me/get nasty
• He said I should find another visa route if I intend to stay in the UK as he can no longer be my sponsor.

My response

I wasn't surprised as this was not the first time I was hearing the 'D' word. He uses it every time he gets angry or doesn't get his way in a family argument.
But this time... I wasn't ready to fight back, bend over or even argue back. I simply agreed with him

• With the statements and utterances my husband has made, I don't feel safe and feel threatened
• Throughout the marraige I have had to endure emotional and manipulative abuse (statements to undermine me as a wife, anger bursts, controlling behaviour over finances etc)
• His behaviour worsened during his court cases (his children custody with his ex wife)
• He leaves the house randonlmly without saying where he is going or letting me know what he is doing . On one occasion, he left the house for 3 weeks and one night while I was sleeping called my number and started accusing me that there was a car parked outside the house and demanding who I was with (there was no one and no car). He said he was outside the house watching what was going on. I asked him to then enter the house but he said he had driven off.
• On the advise of my sister, I have been living with him for the few months I have just to have peace of mind and to try to ensure he doesn't take things to the extreme.

All this is affecting my mental health (psychologyically and emotionally unstable) * and I need help to just move on.

What should I do?

Legal Advise

• What are my options?

Switch Visas

• What are my rights?

Legal aid and advise

Women's Aid. And also visit rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/ROW_Domestic-Violence-A4-DIGITAL.pdf

Thanks you for this

I went through a similar situation myself. Are you able to get your employer to sponsor you or to apply for a job that would fall under the Skilled Worker criteria? The new immigration rules make it much easier to get sponsored by an employer.

Either you or your spouse needs to inform the home office that your relationship has broken down. I wouldn't volunteer this information to him as it gives you some control over the timeline. Seek advice from a solicitor as to when you have to do this - I have heard conflicting information as to whether it's when the divorce application is filed or when the decree absolute is issued. After you inform the home office it will take some time for them to process this and send out the visa curtailment letter. The letter will tell you how long (usually 60 days) you have to either leave or submit an application for a new visa. If you are able to secure sponsorship you are able to apply for the new visa from within the UK so won't have to leave.

CDav35 ..Heartwarming to hear someone who went through similar situation. Thanks so much for your help and advise.