Stuck/can't make a decision & Job move

[itscomplicatedlife]

I'm very close to divorce, married for 7 years together 15, 1 child 3yo. No abuse or cheating, we just don't get along at all, constant falling out and bickering, sad atmosphere, repeat repeat. We agreed if we part ways to split it all down the middle, doing our own divorce online, no mediation im fine with this. But im confused re what to do about my job. I work PT, 2 days WFH, 1 in office, boss is awkward not hugely supportive & althohhh my role is meant to be flexible working for the government turns out it actually Isn't. Council leader stipulated it's hybrid working & unless it's a business need to come in its WFH but we've al been told by our line MgR we need to be there at least 1 Dpw. My issue is when we split I need to move to another town as housing isnt affordable here and it's 20 miles away. I do not want to be working 20 miles from my DD if nursery call me as neither of us have any family help at all. I get called fairly often as she suffers with asthma so when ill she sometimes Has to go home. Crazy thing is he works already close to the town I will
Need to live but of course if this happens on the days she with me its my responsibility to be able to get her, I haven't seen any jobs at all
Last few months near to where I'd need to move to that do for the days I need I feel stuck and done a calculator check if I left the job just after I move there until I can find a job at point of claim and it's spat fig out of £700pm help this will barely cover all bills until I am working, can't see the wood for the trees right now on how best to navigate this when I need to, the calc gave me a £920 fig also if working whic seems crazy! My boss couldn't give a toss about what's going on in my personal life,
Fair dos but if she isn't likely to move this office day somewhere else I don't know what to do if I can't get a job there lined up prior to this all happening

Also keep going round in circles. DH and I worked so hard to get to where we are but since our DD came along it's highlighted cracks beteeen us that should really have been warning signs. DD has sadly highlighted fact we do not work well together. She is very demanding and noisy, we both find it hard at times and in moments were irritating the crap out of eachother and another bust up ensues. He's also tonight done something that I'm not sure is fair re DD. She never wakes up and asks to come to our bed she wakes often but always goes to her own bed but tonight she woke up very upset and asking to come to our bed I took her straight to it, she climbed in and he shot up
Shouting get her back to her own bed! She got very upset and looked so confused I felt awful I said be careful what you say and he told me to shut up and get her back to her bed and rolled over!! I said no she's sad and distraught she's staying! I said to him how would u feel being this young if you were her and your dad snapped and shouted that loud to get you out of the bed you'd feel rejected it was so nasty I just thought is this another sign it's all wrong as I just thought it was really selfish. Also it's always me first up when she wakes never him, he would sort her if I wasn't here but he's very firm and overly strict, he's not relaxed and flexible, she adores my dad who has so much time for her and she knows it! I dream of being in my own place often having my dad round more often as husband isn't keen on him visiting often even though he's the only one that ever offers to help with her as sadly he's not the most reliable as isn't working since my mum died and has car issues but my DD loves him to bits and I'd love to have him round more often as I could easily arrange myself moving town being closer to him too

DH isn't all bad he has a very good job and does his fair share in other ways at home but it's things like tonight that I really hate! Complicating this issue for us also is fact we meet a of Friends with him at wknds for
Play dates & lunch as we have no family help (dad only Person now here but isn't driving atm and is 15 miles away from our town.) DH has a serious bowel issue which is herditary he is saying all this is making him worse but it's not easy for us either like cooking dinner now is so
Hard and going out with friends for lunch I feel awful as it's not easy for him either. The whole things is a living nightmare that saying to me everything isn't working, I'm 36 yo and I feel like I can see where this is headed if I stay I know now it'll be, it won't change, I've tried to make it work so much but we end up back here over and over it's so sad for everyone but if I make this decision it's also on me!! He doesn't want to part but it seems obv to me it isn't the best idea our DD not seeing a lovinf relationship between her parents. It's all pros and cons and it's going to be very lonely prob for years if we split as ill lose some joint friends as some are more his if that's makes sense and I have just my dad as mum sadly died suddenly of cancer not long after daughter was born. I hate this situation I find myself in it's a true living nightmare it was not supposed to turn out like this!

Sorry I can't help but keep thinking how would she have felt if I'd have also not been there for her tonight and said the same thing 😠🥺

I am also worried to death aboit how ill manage working 3 days her being in nursery/later school if she needs me of course I'd just get her immediately but not having any help how do you manage do you work 2 days instead maybe or just wfh late at nt if it's allowed??

Working 20 miles from nursery is normal
Many women work full time with child in nursery / school and manage all drop offs/ collections and pick ups when child is Iill
How you nav age depends on your work - I was lucky mine was flexible so I’d just leave and go get mine then could work evenings etc
Other use network of friends / parents they meet from nursery/ etc
It’s A juggle but possible!

@millymolls so having woken up and thought more on this I think it'll be ok to stay where I am for now work wise and sort that out after if can find something closer to home but it's not really as big an issue as I thohhht in the wee hours of the nt. im not hugely enjoying my role anyway, treated like a non entity and hard work is never appreciated so I'll def be moving when the opportunity arises.