Rights to stay over in marital home?

Threecrookedhearts · 2022-02-12T10:33:32+00:00

My stxh left 2 weeks ago to shack up with new girlfriend and her young son who he'd met 18 days before. I'm taking our kids to stay with my parents over half-term and he's asked if he can stay in our house as he's working in the town where I live. He's moved 90 mins away now. I said no as I don't want him in the house and I don't trust him at all not to take stuff that we've bought together or to riffle through my paperwork. I can't really take stuff with me as I'll be on the train with 2 kids and all our baggage. I know I can't change the locks- my friend keeps telling me to do this - but can I refuse to let him stay?

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 12/02/2022 10:36

When I was in a similar situation I was told I had no choice as it was also his house.

Wilma55 · 12/02/2022 10:38

Can you put private stuff in the loft?

viques · 12/02/2022 10:41

Why can’t you change the locks? I mean, it was very sad that you lost your keys in the car park just before you left for the train, (how lucky the locksmith managed to get to you in time) ...........

millymolls · 12/02/2022 10:47

If he owns the house / on mortgage/deeds then he has the same right to access the house and live there as you do legally
Morally, well, that might be different

millymolls · 12/02/2022 10:47

Don’t change the locks !

Eycaluptus · 12/02/2022 11:12

@viques

Why can’t you change the locks? I mean, it was very sad that you lost your keys in the car park just before you left for the train, (how lucky the locksmith managed to get to you in time) ...........

How very sad he had to smash a window to enter the home he owns that his ex wife locked him out of. See how that works?

Do you have a lockable cabinet OP? I'd get one and put all your private documents in there. Also consider locking any small valuables away too.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 12/02/2022 11:50

Change the locks. It'll cost him £2k in legal fees and 18 months to get a judge to tell you to hand over the new key. And there's no guarantee you won't lose your keys again the week after is there 😉

EvilPea · 12/02/2022 11:52

You cannot prevent him from “benefitting” from the house.

Sorry. I know it’s shit. I know it is.
All I can suggest is you ask a friend to look after anything your worried about.

WhatsitWiggle · 12/02/2022 11:56

You are joint owners, you both have a right to reside there. And any furniture / items that were jointly purchased he also has the same rights over as you.

I understand you're angry and hurt, but try to keep things as amicable as possible whilst you work through the separation.

Buy a lockable box for your paperwork. Take photos of each room so you'll have proof of what items were in it so if he does take something you've got a record for the division of assets.

gogohm · 12/02/2022 11:58

Do you actually suspect he would take things?

I stay at my former marital home when I need to be in that city, dp stays with me there too, my exh is fine about it because we are adults and actually trust each other not to be vindictive or childish about it

AliceMcK · 12/02/2022 11:59

I’d either lock away my private stuff or ask someone to hold onto it while your away. I’d still tell him no but knowing that if he’s untrustworthy then he will probably do it anyway.

I hate to scare you, but do you think he’s capable of moving back in while your away? I’m not sure I’d risk going away and leaving the house empty given what he’s just done.

Original poster

Threecrookedhearts · 12/02/2022 12:11

@gogohm

Do you actually suspect he would take things?

I stay at my former marital home when I need to be in that city, dp stays with me there too, my exh is fine about it because we are adults and actually trust each other not to be vindictive or childish about it

He's completely untrustworthy so no I don't trust him.

OP posts:

Sux2Buthen · 12/02/2022 12:19

@gogohm

Do you actually suspect he would take things?

I stay at my former marital home when I need to be in that city, dp stays with me there too, my exh is fine about it because we are adults and actually trust each other not to be vindictive or childish about it

That's great but obviously not the case here or for most

LemonTT · 12/02/2022 14:02

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Change the locks. It'll cost him £2k in legal fees and 18 months to get a judge to tell you to hand over the new key. And there's no guarantee you won't lose your keys again the week after is there 😉

Or he could break in, change the locks and equally fuck her over when she is away.

Thus spiralling into a life of acrimonious hell that they both inflict on their children.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 12/02/2022 17:39

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Change the locks. It'll cost him £2k in legal fees and 18 months to get a judge to tell you to hand over the new key. And there's no guarantee you won't lose your keys again the week after is there 😉

One solicitor's letter, and a locksmith, and I got into my house (ex changed the locks) to get my belongings. Took a a couple of days ...

catsareme14 · 12/02/2022 18:56

The police actually advised me to change the locks and screw shut the patio doors . My name wasn't even on the deeds . He would have had to go to court to gain access . I held my nerve & did it .

Sugartitsorahilly · 14/02/2022 17:45

Catsareme what happened after? Surely he couldn't be bocked from entering his own house?

Hdhr8jsj · 14/02/2022 18:23

I'd stay home.

Original poster

Threecrookedhearts · 14/02/2022 20:20

@Hdhr8jsj

I'd stay home.

If I'd not booked a train ticket I honestly would. My parents are expecting us. I've had to agree to him staying.

OP posts:

FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker · 15/02/2022 14:17

I locked important paperwork in my car, kept paperwork in my locker at work and l kept some at my parents house.

Unknown83 · 16/02/2022 23:19

Not without an occupation order no.

The advice to change the locks and force him through the courts - forget it unless you want to end up with a bill for his legal expenses. Plus he will probably just change the locks again in what is still his house as much as yours.

Original poster

Threecrookedhearts · 22/02/2022 00:41

He did take a couple of items that I'm upset about. I tilde himself i knew and to bring them back's next time he's here. He won't. But he won't be setting foot inside the house again either.

OP posts:

millymolls · 22/02/2022 07:13

Well as you’ve been told you can’t legally prevent him from having access to his own property unless you have an occupation order. So you could be landing yourself with legal fees and whole bunch of problems.

Original poster

Threecrookedhearts · 22/02/2022 07:37

@millymolls

Well as you’ve been told you can’t legally prevent him from having access to his own property unless you have an occupation order. So you could be landing yourself with legal fees and whole bunch of problems.

This happened last week. He's been and gone now.

OP posts:

millymolls · 22/02/2022 07:54

I know
But my point was he can come back again
You stated that he won’t be setting foot inside again
He could decide to move back in if he wanted