I'm finding it very difficult to deal with my inlaws "positive outlook" type comments on separation from DH and pending divorce.
They want to continue their usual help with childcare- 2 school pick ups a week and I have to see them one of these times as they drop them off at my house afterwards or I collect them from theirs.
The background is that DH was emotionally disengaged, neglectful, selfish, self entitled and struggled to adult. He needed someone to make all of the decisions for him,, someone to make all of the phobr calls etc. His parents have been interferring in his life all his life and his Dad controls all his decisions but he has been emotionally neglected by them- never hugged etc but given things all his life on a plate, whatever he has wanted. I however have just been a vessel for carrying their grandchildren and they have always disliked me because I'm independent having come from a home where I was expected to do things for myself.
I am getting increasingly angry at ILs comments of positivity each time I see them. I genuinely think they're trying to compliment DH and I on a smooth separation for the DCs but it's making me angry. At no point did I want to wrench my family apart and the comments of "well,, everyone's still getting along" "DCs have a adjusted well and that's all that matters" "DCs are enjoying staying at our house more now".
On the face of it, I know,, it all seems v supportive but as a single mum with no family close by, this has and continues to be a struggle for me on my own. ILs are back interferring in every corner of DHs life and are seemingly always with him when he's with DCs. I feel like I've been replaced by them- like they have finally got what they wanted.
I don't want to argue with them but find myself wanting to say "no, no this is not all ok! Because of your control and interferring in DHs life he couldn't engage with his own life with his family. Because you've emotionally neglected him all his life, he's emotionally neglected us so NO this is actually not all ok!!"
I don't want to fall out with them though. Any advice on holding it together when they're saying these stupid toxic positive comments?