Housing options when you separate

[polly5go]

I know this is quite specific and difficult to answer but just wanted to get people's advice or stories if anyone has experienced similar?
Looking at possible separation with husband (my choice. Nothing bad happened just a general growing apart although he would be devastated). We have a joint mortgage and a young son.
If we separate, would the best thing be to sell the house and each rent/buy somewhere new? Or would it be better for me to try to keep the family home if I can afford it? I think it would probably be better to both move so it could be a fresh start (and also I'd feel awful making husband move out when the split isn't his choice) but would this be for the best for our son? I think I'd worry about where we'd live! I realise only we can decide that but I'd just be interested to hear other people's separation stories who were in similar situations and what you did about housing. Thanks

It really depends on finances to a large degree

If you keep the fmh can you afford to buy him out of whatever his share would be? Would you need a mesher order ( where is share is deferred? If so, can he house himself adequately? Can you afford to take over the mortgage and bills in full ?
If you sell and take your share now, is that enough to provide a deposit and can you get a mortgage for the rest?
Young children are resilient and if you and Ex can remain fairly amicable and put your child centre then moving home won’t be a problem for him

I think there are pros to selling - it cuts financial
Ties, ( and possibly some element of control) it severs emotions to a former life, provides a new start in your own home

Meshers can be the right option if needed but can also kick the can down the line - house prices rise ( generally) so you have to find more money to give his share, you are older and mortgage options may be more limited etc he may still feel like it’s ‘his’

There’s no right or wrong answer and will depend on many things !

How old are your DC and do you both work and do childcare? Your here is that's you'll break up with him and he'll have to leave the family home. Why won't you leave? The context is all relevant as to what's best

I think selling the house & moving forwards with a new life is best for both parties. I really feel for men who cannot buy a house themselves but their ex can stay in the family home for X number of years & get some small % as compensation because it's "for the children" - how is that fair?

I definitely agree that selling the home and both moving on would be the best thing.

Does anyone know what the process would be? Would we officially divorce first and then sell the house or the other way around? Or does it not matter?